I wasn’t worried about Ukraine, Iran, etc., etc., but I’m pretty sure this one thing is exactly how the world’s end begins #ChuckNorris

That’s me out of Gammogeddon for 2025 I was doing so well to avoid shitposts about business “refusing to use the word Christmas”

Now everyone’s gonna know where I live…

That’s son No. 2 joining his big brother with a First class degree This one’s in Forensic Science, so go on…try and prove I did shit now!

Yeah, shit at plastering though bbc.com/news/articles/c0457d…

Guess the @DeadMenTalkPod boys are filming a new special

Final level boss of entitlement on tonight’s front row: Couldn’t handle the sniff she sent her bloke to buy at the start of the gig, chatted through every act, got kicked out & then yelled at all the staff for 30 minutes, screaming she’ll call the police unless she got a refund

In these divisive times, people forget we’re all entitled to a differing opinion, even if it upsets them That said; if you don’t think @cleveleysnews is the best Wyre-based news account, you’re a dirty pirate shitmonkey & need hitting in the face with a fact-filled trouser press

Sitting here with my disappointing child, showing her why her brother’s my favourite #LeedsBeckettGrads

Anyone wanna join me in the election drinking game? Every time a candidate answer starts with “Well, look…” down a shot

Been invited to a careers event, to talk to pupils about being a comedian… In a primary school Join me in our next episode of “What on Earth were you thinking?” where I’ll be chucking a bucket full of water onto a chip pan fire and running with scissors

Hull, get yourselves down to @loungecomedy, this Wednesday night. You won’t be disappointed* Tickets: comedyloungehull.co.uk/event… *I’m on first, so after I’ve pissed off, you’ll have a cracking night – at Blackpool, England

Whereas this year, 2 million almost visited Blackpool North railway station #BusReplacement

Your grandkids will argue about whether or not this is a Christmas movie – at Blackpool, England

Bloody great having @iamthomasgreen’s End of Daze at the club, with a surprise visit from @eshaanakbar to open the show For unknown reasons Eshaan angrily refused to have his picture taken with me In unrelated news, I’ve now learned which words are “totally unacceptable” in 2023

Beautiful* people of the Fylde Coast, be quick, we’re about to sell out! Tix & info: 💻 blackpoolcomedyclub.com ☎️ 01253 381381 🎟 Bank Hey St., right behind the Tower * You’re all beautiful, no matter what you think… Unless you’re an arse In which case, you’re just an arse – at Blackpool, England

If you ignore how shit this actor’s brummy accent is, this Slade documentary is well worth a watch. Loads darker than I expected!