alina retweeted
Me: "One room for two nights, please. Somewhere quiet. No kids, no calls, no responsibilities."
Receptionist: "Sir, this is the maternity ward. Your wife is in Room 4."
alina retweeted
I’m trying to find a drug dealer, but LinkedIn keeps showing me people who sell software instead.
alina retweeted
Your son can make the NHL at 19.
You'll still watch him like he left the garage door open.
alina retweeted
I waved back at a stranger who wasn't waving at me.
I now need a recovery plan that doesn't involve crossing the street forever.
alina retweeted
Women can spot a sale from across a parking lot.
Then explain how spending $200 saved us $60.
alina retweeted
Finally wrote my will.
My wife read it and said, "Cute. Who told you any of this was yours?"
alina retweeted
COOKING TIP: If your rice is too watery, drop your phone in it.
Rice has been fixing phones for years. Time to return the favour.
alina retweeted
It’s normal not to like someone, what’s PATHETIC is building a whole campaign to tear them down. That’s not strength, it’s weak, insecure energy faking power.
alina retweeted
Your love language is physical touch, and your girl isn’t clingy. Is that a bad relationship?




