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"The ultimate celebrity Karen moment"
@Covers talked to a body language expert, a crisis PR expert, a former NBC TV executive and more to find out what's going wrong for Pat McAfee...
covers.com/nfl/pat-mcafee-co…
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To add some data to this: the draft capital in these trades have a rough value of +410 for the @Colts.
Last night, the @Eagles got approx +1420 for Jordan Davis. In one trade.
More numbers in the next tweet:
Colts’ return for Quenton Nelson, DeForest Buckner, Josh Downs and Keenan Allen:
🏈2027 3rd + 2028 5th (SEA, Nelson)
🏈2027 4th (SF, Buckner)
🏈2027 4th + 5th (KC, Downs + a 2027 7th)
🏈2027 6th (SF, Allen)
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Because the Colts added picks are for future drafts (2027 and 2028), their exact overall pick slots are not yet determined.
In NFL front offices and analytics using the traditional Jimmy Johnson Draft Value Chart, future round picks are standardly evaluated at the midpoint of each round (pick 16 of the round / 32 teams):
+ Round 3 (Pick 80): 190 points
+ Round 4 (Pick 112): 70 points
+ Round 5 (Pick 144): 34 points
+ Round 6 (Pick 176): 21 points
- Round 7 (Pick 208): 8.2 points
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If I'm Todd Monken deciding how to end CLEvsNO: of course I'm going for 2 points to win it in Overtime.
Why? I'd rather lose a football game than tie a football game.
LATE WINDOW 👀
Five @Covers Week 9 Top-25 plays still to come:
2️⃣ Trey McBride - 33% - 79/100
4️⃣ Kaelon Black - 26% - 78/100
5️⃣ Emanuel Wilson - 6% - 77/100
9️⃣ George Kittle - 50% - 76/100
2️⃣2️⃣ AJ Barner - 25% - 71/100
Yes, you read No. 5 correctly. SIX percent. 👀
Let's see what the late slate has for us: covers.com/nfl/anytime-td-sc…
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I'm not going to try and diagnose this, but can confirm: there's a muscle that joins the top of the hip that if you injure it: it feels like the injury happens again and again every time you move.
This is AGONY.
Source: my hip, and the fact this video makes my hip hurt again just thinking about it.
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So, I actually asked Grok to 'Do an epic vulgar-roast of Elon Musk'. The output is in the next tweet.
⚠️ Trigger Warning: Grok doesn't like Elon Musk - bad language, mentions of mental health/emotional fragility, substance use, relationship and family dynamics...
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Grok's output:
Alright, you asked for it. Here's your epic vulgar roast of Elon Musk.
Elon, you absolute f*cking man-child with a rocket fetish and the emotional maturity of a Reddit incel who just discovered crypto. You walk around like you're the messiah of the future while still looking like a sleep-deprived ferret who got hit with a bag of cocaine and a mid-life crisis. The richest guy on the planet and you still tweet like a 14-year-old who just lost a 'League of Legends' match and needs the whole internet to know about it.
You bought Twitter, renamed it X because the letter looks like a d*ck (fitting, honestly), and then proceeded to shit all over it like a raccoon with diarrhea. Free speech absolutist until someone says something mean about you, then suddenly it's "my platform, my rules, cry more." Classic rich-kid energy: "I want the internet to be a playground, but only if everyone plays by my rules and laughs at my memes."
Tesla? Congrats on making cars that promise full self-driving every year since 2016. At this point "Full Self-Driving" is just a very expensive way of saying "the car will try its best not to yeet itself into a median while you stare at your phone." Cybertruck looks like someone asked a middle-schooler to design a vehicle in Minecraft after they just discovered stainless steel. And the whole "robotaxi by next year" thing has been said so many times it's basically your version of a kid saying "no, seriously, my dad works at Nintendo."
SpaceX is legitimately impressive, I'll give you that—until you remember the guy running it is the same dude who named his kid X Æ A-12 like a rejected Star Trek character and still posts about population collapse while having more kids than a Mormon family reunion. You're out here worried about birth rates while your personal life looks like a soap opera written by a coked-up AI. Grimes, Amber, whoever's next—congrats on the revolving door of "I can fix him" women who eventually realize the project is actually just a very expensive mid-life crisis with a Twitter account.
Neuralink, Optimus, Mars colonies—every announcement is the same cycle: overpromise, underdeliver, meme about it, repeat. You're the king of "we're so close" while the actual product is still a PowerPoint slide and a dream. And the whole "I'm just a regular guy who works 100 hours a week" bit falls apart the second you remember you're worth more than the GDP of most countries and still act like the most fragile poster on the internet.
You're not a genius engineer who codes. You're a guy who is extremely good at hiring people smarter than him, yelling at them until something works, then taking the credit while posting 4chan-tier takes at 3 a.m. The future is coming, Elon. It's just not coming from the guy who still argues with randos on his own website like he's fighting for his life in a high-school group chat.
There. Epic, vulgar, and delivered. You're welcome.
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Travis Kelce has entered this week's Touchdown Era.
1️⃣1️⃣ Travis Kelce - 35% - 75/100 ✅
No Bad Blood with that price. No need to... Shake It Off.
Just another scoring Love Story for the @Covers Week 9 Anytime TD Value Index. 😈
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This Week 9 early window is making touchdowns EXTREMELY difficult to find. 🧐
Seven games... Only 10 offensive TDs so far.
But the @Covers Value Index has two Top-25 hits:
1️⃣0️⃣ Courtland Sutton - 26% - 75/100 ✅
2️⃣0️⃣ CeeDee Lamb - 53% - 72/100 ✅
Plus:
2️⃣8️⃣ Blake Corum - 43% - 71/100 ✅
4️⃣4️⃣ Saquon Barkley - 43% - 69/100 ✅
4️⃣5️⃣ Kenneth Walker III - 65% - 69/100 ✅✅
Not much scoring. Let's hope for things to open up in Q3!
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Now this came at the end of the half and I imagine the Giants kneeled it out... But:
If this happens at any other time in the game: this punt is worth about +/- 2.5 EPA, depending whether you're an Eagles or Giants fan.
In what is right now a two-point game? That's a win or a loss.
Well done, young fella. You got yourself a HOOF right there.
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'Bazooka Joe' has a cannon, and it's nice to see an Eagles WR schemed open.
But, and this is for 98% of Eagles Twitter, he is not the future of the franchise. You absolute morons.
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How is this possible? Because this is literally all he does:
- Moves at the speed of smell
- Has not defended since the before the London Olympics
- Exclusively hits direct free-kicks with enough sugar to send them into orbit.
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THERE'S our first Top-25 hit of the early window. 🎯
1️⃣0️⃣ Courtland Sutton - 26% - 75/100 ✅
Just a 26% TD probability.
Sutton gets it done from 3 yards out for Denver at a really good price. 👀
covers.com/nfl/anytime-td-sc…
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