I’m at the age now where I can do a daytime activity or a nighttime activity but I can’t, under any circumstance, do both.

I am a Victoria Secret Fashion Show Hater. In this essay I will… bottleservicepod.substack.co…

I still get down but I’d like to be back up and in bed by 9

Pay for a haunted house? Honey I live with all boys

I hate when I run into someone during my designated ugly time. That time is sacred, look away

For the moms doing THE most this month and trying to keep their sanity, this episode is for you! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcas…

Bad day? Have you tried getting a Diet Coke about it?

If a girl offers you her chicken chili recipe that is a big sign of respect in her culture

“Don’t worry I got it” - a Virgo who saw how you were doing it and intervened immediately

Everything works out for Virgos because we control every variable until we get our desired outcome :)

“Are you sure?” Babe, I’m a Virgo. I’ve already conducted a thorough investigation & cross checked resources but I’m also extremely self critical and full of self doubt so I guess, no?

Friends who give you new music are so important. You better hold those people close

I put the ass in disassociating 💅🏼

Toddler acting up? Have you tried putting them in rice 🤔

Just tried everything to calm my toddler down, about to put him in rice

A lot of you aren’t getting enough arts & crafts time in and it shows

It was called a “statement necklace” and it was THE most important part of the outfit

It was called “BrickBreaker” and you could play it on your BlackBerry phone

It was called “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and your parents gave it to you if they couldn’t afford to send you to therapy

They used to leave all of the lights off in Hollister and you would have to feel around for clothes while you shopped

It was called “Are You Afraid of the Dark” and you would traumatize yourself by watching it for fun