I’m in a loving relationship! We don’t talk or see each other but the bond that connects us is like steel… If he died I wouldn’t know but I would sense it..

Walktober

My coworker’s dog is obsessed with me to the point that any time he gets close to me he pees from excitement even if he’s inside. Doesn’t do it for anyone else

Lol

It’s fine to break up and get back together 5 times but no more than that

Pulled an awesome prank on myself where I somehow included a single paper towel sheet in my load of laundry

They gotta invent a candle that smells like alfalfa. I want my home to smell like a clean barn

Giant banner up over I-84 in east Portland saying TED K WAS RIGHT

I’m addicted to showing off for girls at work by messing with the horses

My cat is fat as fuck man

I’ve perfected the art of the selfie

Another banger from my dad