I don't like being on the internet but somebody has to do it

I can only describe love as being in a bus with flecks of sunlight running throughout as it travels under the shade. But I would not know. I am a machine

[tearing up while my son recites his wedding vows] God I wish I was on my phone. This is incredibly boring

I wrapped a gift so horrendously they kicked me out of the birthday party

I wish it was more socially acceptable to say "Hey, I'm not trying to harm you" to strangers in public. So they know for certain that I am not trying to harm them

Tweeting is a healthy way to fire off your thoughts. If they stay in your brain they will mold and rot your psyche. Instead you can slowly destroy the minds of those who deserve it (Twitter users)

After a certain point in your life you run out of things to say with language and prefer to communicate in birdsong or miming

bored. thinking about how I'm about to suffer severe consequences for what I have done

I am around here

No more tweets until I behave

Thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I'm thinking about becoming an astronaut. Or the president? Just throwing some ideas out there

Green people be like Hello, I would like a Can somebody finish this tweet for me? I have a doctors appointment to attend. Thanks

I tried deleting this app, I really did. But the serenity, peace and calm I felt without it was foreign and unwanted

can you guys please stop achieving your dreams It's making me feel left out

drafted tweet, never posted