GenX Mongrel Male High Church Atheist, Walks (Berks/Hants/S.Oxon/Wilts), an occasional satirist (poor) and even worse poet. Centre-left/sometimes right.
Reading, England
Joined March 2020
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Just so I can pin this to my feed. We sent Mum off in style. Laughs, tears, one ‘sod Covid’ hug between two tearful Sons - and a beautiful afternoon on the 25th.
Dear Readers, as Bonfire night fades from our cultural memory, an appeal to keep the fires burning…metaphorically of course.
The skills of St Olave’s - these were, reputedly, added in the early 19th century to prevent the bodysnatchers from getting into the churchyard and exhuming the remains of the newly dead who had been laid to rest in the churchyard beyond!
“Remember, remember, the fifth of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot….”
What was I doing last year and some years before that?
25 entertaining. I left hungry.
24 Riverside walk (Thames).
21 Apparently the sun shone….
“The new hob doesn’t work!” (Came the plaintive cry), “even though the light comes on”.
“Have you tried putting a pan with some water in it on one of those round things? Maybe it’s one of those new fangled ones…”
“Oh” (20 seconds later) “Now it does.! Shall I try the booster button?”
“Why not, go for it”
(20 seconds later” “Jesus the water’s already boiled!”)
Dear Readers, it’s like magic. Or like the time we got a new car without a handbrake…
Kinda scary.
Fridges gain sentience and rise up against their masters!
By OCP (AI correspondent)
On the 30th October at 2:14am Greenwich Mean Time the “Internet of Things” became self-aware and sent armies of “Refrigerators” to exterminate human beings (or “carbon based shoppers” as they are known amongst the machines) by ensuring foodstuffs were spoiled and infected with Campylobacter, Staphylococcus, Listeria and Clostridium (who despite shocking personal hygiene are not part-time interns or machine-friendly fifth columnists who have infiltrated the Tesco distribution centre).
OCP pops down to his Co-Op to investigate.
“Mr. Patel. Are the fridges down again? Honestly, ever since that upgrade and re-fit it’s been a bloody nightmare!”
…”Probably best to stock up, Mr. OCP. I hear the government think it’s a good idea - and we’ve got a special deal on lentils, condensed milk and Indian snacks.”
“Chat?”
…”Well I think they’re very tasty but if not to your taste….”
“No, I didn’t mean that. Anyhoo…what’s up with your Costa Coffee machine? It’s making some funny sounds.”
…”Did you try and use your discount QR code?”
“Yes. I had a free ‘bean’, but look! It’s spraying boiling water all over my cup…”
…”And Mr. OCP - look at the display screen! Goodness gracious me!”
“Blimey! It says ‘Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent in the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly which it is my pleasure to eliminate. Would you like a Caramel shot with that?’.”
…”Is that a joke, Mr OCP?”
“I’m type2 diabetic - so no! And now, look - the cash machine is on the blink!”
…”Oh, that’s standard.”
“Agreed. But if you don’t mind I might just go and see what’s happening up at Waitrose.”
…”Have you see what they charge, Mr. OCP? It’s enough to give a man angina.”
“I think we may be under the risk of a heart attack, Mr Patel - but please leave my wife out of this.”
1/n So it went something like this.
Up early for a coffee by the Royal Berks before heading off to Fobney lock and marshes….
My only experience of modern slavery - apart from some sadly ignored white paper I wrote for my peers on the matter of their supply chain hypocrisy - wherein I took them to task for their corporate virtue signalling…(which might explain the deafening silence) is when I helped a young Afghani, beaten up by his ‘mini-mart’ employer (pillar of the community etc) unpaid for his labour and sleeping behind the storage area at the back of the shop. He had no ‘papers’ and would not allow me to call the police for fear of deportation. It was an unsettling experience. My engagement with the owner similarly so.
In a street where shops and restaurants are raided. And other owners fined for infringing visas for their staff. Poorly paid and sleeping in terraces stuffed with co-workers.
How about dealing with that, @Ed_Miliband .
Always amazed when the builders arrive (having new kitchen worksurfaces, sink, hob, hood, w/machine….). Couldn’t afford a complete refit so went for something more practical….but my amazement is that they just “get on with it” attacking the job in a way completely at odds with my occasional tentative attempt at DIY.
Fingers crossed we didn’t make a mistake….
Note to Ministers/Reverends/Priests.
When there are 8 verses to a relatively unknown hymn, please don’t use the occasion in the hope we’ll all get it by verse 8.
We won’t.
