Helping people get good at people. Husband, dad, and founder at Jaunty
Joined December 2008
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I've spent years running Jaunty, live social skills classes for adults.
My bet is as AI takes over more technical work, the people who can walk into a room, read it, and connect are the ones who win. At work, in dating, in friendship.
Good news is it's trainable. Like a gym.
Every Sunday at 2:30 PT we run a free 30 min live class. Come practice.
jaunty.org/?x
Next social skills masterclass cohort starts Dec 6. 6 Sundays through Jan 24, capped at 25, plus a year of All Access in the community.
Telling you a month early on purpose: jaunty.org/social-skills-mas…
Forgot someone's name? Ask again.
"Tell me your name again. I want to get it right this time."
Repeat it back in the conversation.
Everybody forgets names. Nobody minds being asked. They mind being called "hey man" for six months.
Half your family voted the other way yesterday.
Thanksgiving is in three weeks.
"I don't get how you see it. Walk me through it." Then actually listen.
Most people ask one question and then panic.
"Where are you from?"
"Ohio."
"Oh nice."
The second question is where the conversation actually starts. This happened at a family Halloween party to me this last weekend.
"Wait, what part? Do you miss it?" (I was actually looking at Boise real estate for fun last month)
You don't need a better first question. You need a second one.
I'm bad at texting back. Like, genuinely bad.
I'll read it, answer it in my head, and then it's three weeks later.
And the longer I wait the weirder it feels. Like the reply now has to explain the silence.
It doesn't.
Next time you're stuck on one, just say:
"Hey, I saw this and totally dropped the ball. How'd it go?"
That's it. No big apology. No essay.
The thing I'm working on is sending the short version right away, even if I want to write more later.
Most people aren't mad you were slow. They're just glad you came back.
"Ugh, it's dark at 5 now."
Most people agree and let it die.
"I know, right."
Try this instead:
"I know. What do you actually do with your evenings once it gets dark this early?"
Now you're not talking generally, you're talking about their life.
Same moment, totally different conversation.
Last Halloween a dad in town said "We do this every year and I don't know if the kid really has any fun.”
I almost just ended the conversation with some sympathy and left. Instead I asked "How many trick or treaters come to your house usually?”
He laughed and said just a few, their nearby neighbors
We've had them over for Halloween twice since…we get over 100 trick or treaters and do a fire pit in the driveway.
Halloween is the one night the whole neighborhood is outside at once, walking up to strangers' doors on purpose. And most of the adults just stand at the curb.
If you're handing out candy tonight, say something to the parents too.
Jaunty teaches social skills, this week my AI assistant tried to write small talk for me of sitting at the bar
Its suggested opener: "What's the drink you'd never make for yourself?"
Nobody talks like that. I deleted it.
What people actually say is stuff like "Hey what’s a fun drink order for (Halloween)?" Works every time, because it's more fun to answer and you can make it a bit more niche. Fill in the parentheses.
AI is great at a lot of things. Sounding like someone you'd want to get a beer with isn't one of them yet.
Read this list again.
OpenAI is paying close to $300K for someone to run events. Anthropic wants a podcast media manager.
The companies building the thing everyone's nervous about are hiring people who are good at getting humans in a room together.
If you're wondering what to practice while AI eats the busywork, that's a pretty loud hint.
Awesome non-technical open roles at top AI labs (via LennysJobs.com):
1. @OpenAI — Director of Events Management ($272K–$302K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/openai/924f…
2. @AnthropicAI — Podcast Media Manager ($200K–$255K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
3. @AnthropicAI — Product Designer, Safeguards ($305K–$460K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
4. @SpaceXSI — Events Lead ($125K–$150K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/xai…
5. @periodiclabs — Head of People ($350K–$450K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/periodic-la…
6. @PrimeIntellect — Head of Marketing ($150K–$300K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/primeintell…
7. @OpenAI — Content Studio Lead ($287K–$318K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/openai/7ded…
8. @AnthropicAI — Internal Communications Manager, Tech ($295K–$345K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
9. @thinkymachines — Product Manager - Post Training ($350K–$400K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/thinkingmac…
10. @bfl_ai — Brand & Marketing Designer ($219K–$265K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/black-fores…
11. @AnthropicAI — Executive Communications Writer ($295K–$345K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
12. @thinkymachines — Global Public Policy ($300K–$360K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/thinkingmac…
13. @OpenAI — Product Designer, Youth ($245K–$310K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/openai/43ba…
14. @theworldlabs — Executive Business Partner (Office of the CEO) ($200K–$250K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/worldlabs/2…
15. @AnthropicAI — Head of Community, Enterprise Marketing ($400K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
16. @SpaceXSI — Director of Global Growth Marketing and Sales Enablement ($200K–$280K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/xai…
17. @thinkymachines — Program Manager, Supercomputing ($350K–$475K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/thinkingmac…
18. @character_ai — Program Manager, Product Experience ($200K–$300K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/character/5…
19. @OpenAI — Pricing Strategist, GTM ($234K–$260K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/openai/5ce0…
20. @AnthropicAI — Manager, Commercial Counsel, GTM ($320K–$385K)
job-boards.greenhouse.io/ant…
21. @periodiclabs — Controller ($250K–$300K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/periodic-la…
22. @magicailabs — Founding Designer ($160K–$200K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/magic/24c76…
23. @PrimeIntellect — Head of People ($250K–$300K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/primeintell…
24. @periodiclabs — Business Operations, Product & Science ($250K–$300K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/periodic-la…
25. @cohere — Executive Producer, Executive Communications ($150K–$210K)
jobs.ashbyhq.com/cohere/e645…
When someone asks "So what do you do?" don't just say your job title and stop.
Add one small, true detail:
"I'm a nurse, and mostly night shifts, it’s crazy hours but I now know every 24-hour taco place in town."
Now they have more things to ask about
We've all said "you too" to the waiter who said enjoy your meal.
We've all said bye to someone and then walked the same direction.
We've all stared at our phone while someone we kind of know walked toward us down a long hallway.
You survived every one of those.
So here's today's drill: say one small thing to someone you didn't have to.
"Long day?" to the cashier.
"Is it always this busy?" in line.
"Cute dog, what's her name?" on your walk.
Worst case, it's a little awkward. You've done awkward. You're good at it.
I regret to inform you that social skills are mostly reps.
Not scripts. Not charm. Reps.
Saying hi first. Asking one more question. Sitting in the awkward pause instead of grabbing your phone.
AI can write your texts. It can't sit across the table for you.
Watching the game at a bar is secretly the easiest place to talk to strangers. Everyone already has something to say.
The hard part is the second sentence. That's most of what we practice on Sundays.
Free social skills class today at 2:30 PM PT. 30 minutes, live on Zoom, with actual people.
Most people put this off until they feel ready. You don't need to. Come a little awkward, it works better that way.
jaunty.org
Flirting is not a performance, it’s attention.
Most people talk to fill the silence. The seductive person notices one small thing, names it, and then waits.
Today, at the dog park, try: "Your dog is running this whole park and you know it."
Then say nothing. Let them fill the silence.
Words don't draw people in. Feeling seen does.