Former nice guy. Brainwave scanner malfunction. Now I just observe the meat puppets and write the punchlines.
California, USA
Joined January 2013
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1 year ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer (stage 3) adenocarcinoma.
This was my 2nd dx. My 1st dx was in 2010.
For anyone battling any type of illness, never stop fighting.
It’s okay to be scared.
It’s okay to cry.
Don’t give up.
Trust in God.
I’m praying for you.
Before smartphones, if I was out cheating on my girlfriend & spot a white van, I would run away, thinking a camera crew might jump out.
IFYKYK
A grown adult called the cops on a 3-year-old kid.
How much does one hate their lives to traumatize a kid?
All because he’s good at ⚽️
Wait till they find out about the origins of ⚽️😂
What’s the difference between existing & living to exist?
What you chose determines your path.
Choose wisely.
The Path of Existence:
This is the baseline minimum requirement. It requires very little effort because you simply let life happen to you. You stay in unfulfilling setups, hide from risk, and treat life like a series of boxes to check until time runs out.
Funny how people who are against pronouns have no problems with their potatoes identifying as….
Fries
Hash browns
Potato Salad
Potato Chips
Baked potatoes
My potato identifies as potatoes au gratin
Funny how those people who scream go back to Mexico, are patient enough to pull out their phones and open up Google Translate, when visiting said country.
We went from OnlyFans to Only Executions in the blink of an eye.
How the fuck did humanity get here?
We need to Ctrl + Alt + Delete and reboot the entire species.
President Camacho was supposed to be a warning, not a fucking campaign strategy. 🫠
Just a friendly reminder, the Chargers ⚡️need to go into witness protection.
I hear the weather in Utah is perfect for them.
Can we send Mike McDaniel to Gitmo?
asking for us Chargers fans.
🎧
You are the star tonight
Your sun electric, outta sight
Your light eclipsed the moon tonight
Electrolite
You're out of sight🎶🎶🎶🎼🎵🎶
🔂
Getting old sucks.
The older I get, the more everything hurts.
I’m about to start an Only Hurts page.
Xavier Becerra to Steve Hilton in the California Governor Debate:
Here’s the problem I have with your policies — you seem to welcome immigrants who look like you, but deport immigrants who look like me.
If yesterday didn't exist. We would not have a memory of it... Which is why we can't see tomorrow.
So we live in the present & act on memories from yesterday for the sake of a better
tomorrow.
Some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche comin' down the mountain