I had every intention to let myself expire. After I moved to oregon, I withdrew from everyone, friends and family alike, thinking one day I'd just take my truck and vanish into the hills forever. The only thing that stopped me was my sister and her husband, who bugged me constantly for one thing or another. Her husband is my best friend, and though he drives me insane, his thoughtful opinion grounded my fantasies, both high and low. When I wasn't studying or feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling sorry for myself while watching @.pipkinpippa. "We all wear masks" is a sentiment doubly descriptive of any public figure. I watched for years, enjoying every based and retarded take she had to offer. Where many had polish, she had raw emotion, where others had talent, she had grit. One night, the mask slipped, and I realized the source of my fixation. She was me. She was me but successful. She was successful, but still miserable. But her misery wouldn't define her I could be like her. I had idolized her without knowing it and she became my biggest cheerleader without ever having spoken a word to me. And though she isn't mine alone, she will always be my little bunny girl.