ridley ⚧︎ 🐍🌵 retweeted
every waffle house will now be renamed to 'wallahi house' and all the servers will have pronoun pins on their aprons and all the cooks will be haitian immigrants and the jukebox will only play chappell roan
ridley ⚧︎ 🐍🌵 retweeted
midwest maxing today. starting my day with caribou coffee. lunch is gonna be a culver’s butter burger and cheese curds. then “ope, i’m gonna squeeze right past ya” at hyvee to get my ingredients for walking tacos and scotcheroos
ridley ⚧︎ 🐍🌵 retweeted
when i was 3 or 4 i got separated from my family at an amusement park and a man found me and helped reunite me with them. however, he was an elvis impersonator and did not break character the entire time and i’ve been terrified of elvis ever since
ridley ⚧︎ 🐍🌵 retweeted
Omaha, Nebraska should be at the center of a transcontinental High Speed Rail line from New York to Los Angeles. Imagine getting to Denver in two hours. Imagine getting to Chicago in less than an hour.
ridley ⚧︎ 🐍🌵 retweeted
Hello I’ve committed voter fraud and I’d like to turn myself in.
I illegally voted for Pete Ricketts dozens of time using fake identities.
My name is Dana Holgerson and I’m the OC of the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team. Please arrest me and force me to resign 🙏




































