The wife decided she is not doing the flamingo position during sex any more! I tried to reason with her, but she has put her foot down..

Looks like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will have to get used to the reign again…

That government alert made me jump so much that I nearly tipped the portable barbecue over...

Drove my daughter’s guinea pig to the vets this morning! I’m getting pretty good with these new golf clubs….

It's always better to have Jermain Defriend rather than Jermain Defoe...

Just caught 4 England fans playing football with a hedgehog outside my house! Was going to call the police but the hedgehog has gone 1-0 up...

I've just bought a house with period features. The girlfriend hates that nickname...

Just heard the news that Bonnie Tyler has died 😔 That's a turn around. Her poor family will be falling apart....

Bejesus it's warm here in the UK. Here's me after taking some rubbish out to the wheelie bin earlier.

So, I'm not allowed to cycle, but I can assault a kid or elderly person!

Really don’t understand all the negativity towards genetically modified food! I’ve just had a lovely leg of salmon…

Noisy pet snake? Quieten it down by giving it some antihisstamine...

Did you know that COFFEE spelt backwards is EEFFOC! Which is quite interesting, because generally I don't give EEFFOC until I've had my first COFFEE in the morning..

Have you seen the size of a Snickers nowadays? They are tiny! I remember when eating a Snickers was a Marathon...

Are you lonesome tonight, is your kitchen a sight oh Bella. #Eurovisión2026

Fuck me, call vet. #Eurovisión2026

Dracula does #Eurovisión2026

It's frosties's Tony The Tiger on acid! #Eurovisión2026

Good luck to all taking part in The London Marathon today. Did you know that The London Marathon is The BBC’s longest running show…

I was pulling my boxers off on bed last night when the wife said to me, "Dave, you spoil those dogs!"