JACK

oh my .... dear lord

luxury stuff

every time i even read the words 'salt bae' i think about doing something aggressively hateful like going to grad school

super chill

this bartender was telling me how she had to move because rent was too high. 'i've never seen $4000 in one month, except maybe on the sims. just kidding, she's broke too'

hmm. yea he's still getting played. but this time, by an LA girl

'hey arnold!': arnold's christmas (1996)

what the holiday season should be about: -giving back to your community -having productive conversations with family and friends -a cocktail every once and while what the holiday season has been like for me: -i have acquired a gut

i was just going to tweet about ted maltin from 'jingle all the way' being a quintessential christmas movie villain (horrible neighbor, tries to steal your wife, etc) and then i remembered he was murdered by his wife irl. rip phil hartman

yes rosie i'm home for christmas

my favorite instagram status by far is 'new post.' like you found yet another way to highlight your latest, subpar 'post.' thank you

welcome to stl

call her an nyc airport around the holidays the way she makes me genuinely upset

go bills

pleasures now

your status on instagram is not only hateful and irrelevant, it's detrimental to the health and well-being of my family

the holiday season is quite literally crushing me

my least favorite type of restaurant: BYO place that doesn't take reservations where i'm meeting my parents for dinner at 5pm: BYO place that doesn't take reservations

twitter blue verification = clear legacy verification = clear + precheck

i've never considered myself a hater until i saw the same m*nions tweet go viral last summer 5+ times. i'll never forget the energy people had for the m*nions. could feel the hate in my toes

the woman at the front desk of my doctor looked at my dilapidated debit card and asked me if i have a dog