Perfect day to introduce my son to a classic masterpiece of American cinema.

Boeing needs to start assembling their planes with that adhesive that Trader Joe's uses to seal hummus tubs.

My kid put on two sweatshirts last night, one over the other, and I kinda laughed about it. So now he's at four sweatshirts and shows no signs of stopping.

A decade of video calls has turned me into a stage actor. I emote for the people in the back of the theater. Ain't no chance you'll miss my reaction.

This morning I have passed three cars which have their hazard flashers on because it's raining. Do not do this.

If you had told me two months ago that the dozen 11-year-old girls at this birthday party would spend this much time talking about Travis Kelce, I would have said you need to calm down. You're being too loud.

Hey @MeckDems , we didn't have an election in '21 because of the delayed census. But when that municipal election happened, I voted in it. I like a voting reminder more than anybody, but please don't impugn my voting record. Kthx.

Feeling inspired by @242_jones dedication to staying hydrated. Showing up for work, day after day, carrying a jug of water the size of a small child.

Managed to accidentally take this lovely self portrait on a hike today. New profile pic or nah?

Reading old sci-fi is a fun mix of creative futurism and bizarrely blinkered ideas. Author: our heroes are flying through space, meeting exotic sentient aliens, traveling through black holes and... Me: uh huh, and how do they communicate? Author: Usenet groups, of course.

"Inbox Ten" is my revolutionary new email management strategy that is infinitely better than Inbox Zero. jebware.com/blog/?p=639

When I was a kid playing Mortal Kombat or NHL '95 on Sega Genesis, sometimes I would miss a shot and then shout really loud "the computer cheats!" Unrelated: every time I hear some say "I've been shadow-banned" I wonder if maybe your post sucked and nobody wanted to like it.

Remember when you were like, seven years old, and you told a joke that landed a little better than you expected, everybody laughed a little extra, so you decided "well, I guess that joke is my entire personality for the foreseeable future."

If you care about our country's criminal justice system, please read this article. If we cannot treat accused people properly, then we have already failed. We need to fix this. Pay attention to your local sheriff election.

Seems legit