Fathers to a son: please read this. We dropped my oldest off at college this week. He is 18. Totally ready to leave the house. Desperate for independence. This is the way it should be. But it has torn me up. Statistically we have spent 90% of all the time we ever will together. I am sad because I know I made a lot of mistakes during this time. Mainly, I was too hard on him because he was the oldest, and he was a boy. I was the oldest, and a son in my family. I repeated some mistakes that were made with me. Even though I was convinced I would do a better job. I spanked him. I used unkind and hurtful words when I thought he fell short. Things that I have learned cause more harm than good. Things I wish I could take back. Basically I was just too damn hard on him. I have learned and (I hope) improved as a father. Which benefits his little sister and brother. I wrote him a long letter before he left. I told him how proud I am of him, tried to give him some words of wisdom, but also apologized for not always being a great dad. I told him I wanted to be the greatest dad in the world, but I didn’t always know how. I explained how I was brought up, and my father was brought up, and that I had brought some stuff along as a dad that I hope he is smart enough to leave behind when he is a dad. I know my grandfather had it ROUGH. My dad had it a bit less ROUGH. I had it by comparison better, and my son did too. However I could have and should have done a better job in my link of this chain of fatherhood. I am confident my son will do better when it is his turn. To the dads out there, especially with your oldest son…try not to be so hard on him. He doesn’t need to feel the weight of all of your expectations of a family lineage, he doesn’t need to be made into a clone of you, he doesn’t have to be made ready to be your “successor”. Watch how you discipline him…think very carefully about what you are trying to do and what the expected results will be. He just needs to be a good man and to be happy. And you need to keep a good relationship with him.