follow my main @frazzlemygimp also @gohomepod

Brooklyn, NY
Joined June 2018
I inject heroin into my arm that’s scarred from times prior, my eyes roll back into my head as my manager pounds on my door telling me I’m on in five minutes. Let’s rock I say as I grab my bass guitar, take a pull of whisky, and get into my chuckee cheese mouse band costume
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RT @FrazzleMyGimp: John Fetterman wearing basketball shorts 2022: Man of the people! Fuck unwritten congressional dress codes! Destroy the…
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john is toast retweeted
If christopher nolan got a phone he’d become one of those guys wearing a shiesty in line waiting to have sex with bonnie blue
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Trump finding out the Knicks win streak is 13: im going to fuck it
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every two years tiger woods either wins a golf thing or crashes his car and dies
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first nose wouldn’t even notice if the coke was laced with marbles
This should be illegal btw
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So crazy that Julius Caesar had that line queued up when Brutus stabbed him. If my friend stabbed me id say something like “Ow Ben” or “Whats gotten into you Ben”
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Shoot him and make it look like a suicide
I messed up.. I bought a random grocery store and told a random person I’d give him $10,000 everyday he lives in it and it’s been weeks and he shows no signs of ever leaving. I’m gonna go broke 😭
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I know this isnt a script but in real life i have a standup show on friday in brooklyn. If you live in new york you should come instead of spending time on this app. Its 10 bucks but if u cant afford it just dm me eventbrite.com/e/john-kenned…
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When I first started writing a movie about Oppenheimer, I never would have thought Christopher Nolan would buy the story from me. We’ve come a long way from my original script versus what made it to screen.
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If you can afford doordash more than twice a week you deserve the trauma of your best friend dying in your arms
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this is clearly not Damar Hamlin right
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If you go to the meadowlands escape room in new jersey and you get to the part where youre holding a stick with a hook at the end of it, DO NOT use it to grab a loose wire on the ceiling. they get pissed AND they dont pause the timer when they come in with a ladder to untangle it
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and they have these huge fucking claws that just tear through flesh. Jamie pull up the video of the biker getting attacked by the grizzly bear. I mean can you imagine staring this thing in the face? Jesus in headphones and t shirt: i mean its eyes alone are giving me nightmares
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This isnt photoshopped
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(already with 4 buzzers just from them asking me about myself) What is a cows favorite moooovie shit wait i meant what is pulp fiction to every cow
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[Drinking diet cokes in his underwear and pointing the gun at the mirror] “put the girl down joker”
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Elon hired me earlier this week to transcribe everything people are saying at Twitter HQ. Here is the last 24 hours
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Theres a Karate school on my block that records the sound from inside the class and plays it outside to get peoples attention and a kid just broke his hand on a 2x4
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In 2019 while working for the Chicago Bulls, I wrote an episode of The Last Dance and pitched it to director Jason Hehir. He told me that it was a documentary based on a real team. Here is my script he rejected
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Kirby voiced by mitch mcconnell: i sucked up a construction worker and now i got a little hard hat
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