Neil Parmesan (@ktoab) header
Neil Parmesan (@ktoab) profile picture

Neil Parmesan

@ktoab

It's says here on your resume that you've burned several clown suits deep in the woods. Tell me a little about that.

 Slippoville
Joined December 2013
  • Tweets9.7K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers2.6K
115Media
Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)Photo by Neil Parmesan (@ktoab)
I was so down today and then my son said "dad, you'll always be my hero" and then I hugged him and cried and made up this totally fake tweet.
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Neil Parmesan retweeted
L 馃嚚馃嚘 (@Ann_Hedonia1) profile picture
L 馃嚚馃嚘@Ann_Hedonia1Oct 25
Maybe if I lay still enough and don鈥檛 make eye contact Monday won鈥檛 get me
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L 馃嚚馃嚘 (@Ann_Hedonia1) profile picture
L 馃嚚馃嚘@Ann_Hedonia1Nov 5
After doing brief stints in reality I鈥檝e decided I actually need to spend more time on my phone
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L 馃嚚馃嚘 (@Ann_Hedonia1) profile picture
L 馃嚚馃嚘@Ann_Hedonia1Nov 13
You met me at a very microsoft outage time in my life
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L 馃嚚馃嚘 (@Ann_Hedonia1) profile picture
L 馃嚚馃嚘@Ann_Hedonia1Oct 29
Due to inflation I can only afford 1 small sized hope, and zero dreams this month
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L 馃嚚馃嚘 (@Ann_Hedonia1) profile picture
L 馃嚚馃嚘@Ann_Hedonia111h
Not sure what to get anyone for the apocalypse this year
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ever the enigma (@evertheenigma) profile picture
ever the enigma
@evertheenigmaNov 13
Friday the 13th offers a welcome respite from the notion that I am the principal architect of my difficulties.
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ever the enigma (@evertheenigma) profile picture
ever the enigma
@evertheenigma9h
Maybe your baby is crying because he wants to eat a rotisserie chicken in the Costco parking lot without making a whole evening of it.
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ever the enigma (@evertheenigma) profile picture
ever the enigma
@evertheenigma3h
Your inspirational tweet gave me herpes.
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Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious) profile picture
Jenny Doesnt Know@HighlyIngenious13h
She鈥檚 a 10, but all she does is talk about cheese. So she鈥檚 an 11.
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It's not whether you win or lose but how many kids you can body slam in the bouncy house.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater6h
And when you see only one set of footprints in the sand, that's when I absorbed you and all of your powers
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I grew up next door to Post Malone. I didn't know him very well but I was really tight with his brothers Kelloggs Malone and General Mills Malone.
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I just saw a dog pee on a fire hydrant and it was very cliche. Next I guess I'll see someone slip on a banana peel and get hit by an anvil.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater3h
Sorry kitten, daddy is on social security
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David (@DBStoner) profile picture
David@DBStonerNov 13
Your tweets are too loud, you need a muffler.
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J枚$h (@JoshKing2) profile picture
J枚$h@JoshKing27h
**Aggressively ignoring accounts that annoy me**
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHater4h
Almost got raptured at the gas station earlier but I wouldn't drop my vape
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Neil Parmesan retweeted
J枚$h (@JoshKing2) profile picture
J枚$h@JoshKing25h
It's OK to share cheese tacos with your tiny chihuahuas, its their ancestral food
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Henry 3000 (@Henry_3000) profile picture
Henry 3000
@Henry_300012 Jul 2016
I'm not foolish enough to believe you are thinking about me but fool enough to wish you were.
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釖棭釕嶦 (@lanechanged) profile picture
釖棭釕嶦
@lanechanged21h
Sure sex is great but have you ever held somebody until the sun rises & you both burst into flames?
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