I'm pretty sure we'd be best friends.

Joined September 2009
It’s cute the school thinks “pajama day” won’t involve a morning meltdown from my kids.
1
24
Tis the season for my house to look like an Amazon distribution center.
19
Shoutout to the pioneers of meme sharing - aka - people in 2002 who would forward emails and spam texts. (Blessings on you - Send this to 10 friends or else….)
1
35
Somewhere out there a family has been gathered since 11am and their dad is still smoking a turkey saying “just 45-ish more minutes”
20
This is what indoctrination looks like. This is what Christian supremacy looks like. This is what corruption looks like. My fellow Christians, we must be louder in our opposition towards our faith being weaponized and bastardized in this way.
66
720
20
1,934
61,749
I text my wife a video of birds building a nest out my window work Does AARP just start or do they need the video as proof I qualify?
1
32
So - small world and strange facts but I was also told ‘verbally’ by UNLV I’d receive $100k from NIL deal but I also never got it in writing. I’m just telling you he said verbally with his voice and no contract - $100k for NIL deal You can Venmo me I guess? #NIL #UNLV 🏈
1
97
*arriving home after fighting for my life in Excel re-engineering a spreadsheet from a 3rd party to update the two sets of data. Frustration. Hours. Rage. What did they do? Wait.. maybe- yes- BREAKTHROUGH! Success! Fist-pump the air. Huge win WIFE: How was your day?  ME: fine
33
kyle partin retweeted
JD Vance is the son of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, and wife Phyllis. He was conceived in the bathroom of a local Italian restaurant in Scranton, Pennsylvania on Valentine’s Day. He is the heir to the Vance Refrigeration fortune. @JDVance1, son of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, was delivered by his godfather, Michael Scott, who snuck into the delivery room wearing scrubs along with JD’s great Uncle Al. (Even the doctor didn’t know.) As a kid, he spent his days throwing rocks at the old Scranton bread factory, but was routinely bullied for the wearing the crocheted sweaters, mittens, and knickers his mother made him. (At one point, he was sent to the principal’s office for telling one of his classmates that he “had a lot to learn about this town, sweetie,” and summarily punching him after the child falsely claimed to have never heard of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.) JD’s first job was at a local beet farm, where he primarily shoveled manure and provided tours of the adjoining bed & breakfast. At age 16, JD went to work in the family business, Vance Refrigeration, owned by his father Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Graphically inclined, one of his most significant achievements was the design of the now-iconic Vance Refrigeration logo (Vance Refrigeration was founded by JD’s dad Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.) If elected as vice president, Vance, son of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, would be the first descendant of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration to occupy the White House.
4
4
1
18
1,842
Pulled a muscle as I fumbled and caught my phone as it dropped. Phone saved Mobility/Capacity lost for days
1
42
Hey @NBA - we can’t take petty calls. #scottfoster needs to go. You saw what we saw. We are tired. Do the right thing. #retire #Mavs #thunder @ESPNNBA @NBAonTNT
69
I slept on @arcadefire and @fleetwoodmac - please forgive me. I knew they were good but 2024 let’s go!!!
1
49
There's no such thing as too much PPE. Or maybe there is, we don't know.
3
3
645
Need new fiction sci-fi / fantasy series Anyone have suggestions???
123
My kids keep calling it: Super Ball Super Nova Super Game
1
83
Forgot to move the Elf on a shelf and now the web of lies grows larger
“No more karate and brush your teeth” - words I NEVER thought anyone would say in this house but my wife wants me to calm down and get some sleep I guess
My wife wants a strong man to keep her safe. Merry Christmas Babe!
Looks like @Marvel has a new supervillain