@lbscottt
 San Francisco
Joined February 2015
  • Tweets10.3K
  • Following2.3K
  • Followers3K
1.4KMedia
I will never forget walking down Market St in San Francisco and watching a lady slip and fall on an actual banana peel. When we both stopped laughing she said she was grateful I saw it because no one would believe her. I wonder how she's doing. I miss her.
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You’re actually someone who keeps choosing doors. Keep choosing doors.
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“Sir, if I wanted to be verbally abused I would’ve stated my opinion online.”
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L. B. Scott retweeted
liam ✨@birduniversity5 Nov 2022
the silly goose convention called, they asked if you could be their keynote speaker
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If the anxiety didn’t wake me up, I would somewhat enjoy the fruitless attempts of the several mosquitoes attacking the outside of the net I have around my bed.
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I think I’ve finally over done garlic and need a break. I know, hear me out. I attempted to make a garlic confit, but I did it on the stove uncovered like an idiot and it got CRISPY. The house was saturated and then I made focaccia with the garlic oil, and then stuffed the
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garlic in the bread and then ate it with the garlic and I think I’ve done it. I’ve reached my garlic max. It’s over. For now.
My nephew wrote the baby a poem called “The Itsy Bitsy Crider” and I’m 😭
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Lmfao I just dropped this in my Family group chat with 9 people and cracking myself up:
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Goldfish are as gold as the Golden Gate Bridge.
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L. B. Scott retweeted
chanel@lyssachanel12 Sep 2020
a series of fortunate events
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My husband ordered bees. 🐝 20,000 bees. The postal service has lost his order.
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New greatest fear: Lara, your Amazon package has been delivered. Me: Oh god, what did I order now? Luckily the cat is thrilled.
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I’d like to teach Boo to play fetch, but my last experience training anything was a purple Furby back in 1998 and I am CONVINCED that the manual saying it could be trained was a lie.
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Just spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to google the actual phrase of, "to extend a grape leaf."
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It's olive branch. That's the phrase.
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L. B. Scott retweeted
Kris Holt@KrisHolt16 Feb 2022
Got our tomatoes, onions, garlic and spice mix in (mix is ginger, coriander, curry powder and garam masala)
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When you text your friend how they are and they send back, “thriving.” We’re all okay, right?
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I'm making stock for the very first time with rotisserie chicken bones and I have horrendous anxiety that I'm going to accidentally strain it like pasta. As in, down the drain when I'm done.
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Mac and cheese is both the fastest and slowest meal to make. So much waiting, but don’t watch the pot!
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I'd like to start a petition to change the Denver @nuggets mascot to a Chicken Nugget.
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