Teddy T

guy next 2 me in the library watchin as i google “crazy lava lamp” soon everyones in on it hootin and hoolerin, librarian handin out mojitos

pretty chill that my dna test said i was related to “techno”

ha haha aw look at baby in a suit, hes a huuge baby cryin lil baby tears “objection yr honor” aww now other baby is talkin. a talkin lil bab

Consider a bird. Consider its wings: open in the sky, closed in the tree. Whats it hiding? Whats it got under there? Welcome to BirdSecurity

we all have sad childhood memories but we dont all get to reflect on them while sitting in a white velvet bball court. only shaq can do that

lol these loser aliens that monitor the earth are only just now getting cher’s ‘believe’. YA NO KIDDING ITS AWESOME u out of date dads

a wolf took over and he’ll just bite off all your hair. he bit off all my hair and now im bald. bad supercuts, fellow yelpers avoid

ive done graffiti penmanship analysis 4 years but never hav i had a 96% LoveMatch so can the writer of BUTTSCHOOL plz come to my office asap

drew carey just stepped out of my tv like that girl in the ring only instead of trying to kill me hes just drinkin heavily :(

sum ppl said the world took a turn 4 the worse when the skeletons won but i said it took turn 4 the hearse. NOW IM A MAYOR, BOY IS IT SCARY

god sees all the demigods hangin out, cant remembr if he designed them to interlock into 1 full god. ‘hav a good wknd’ he say, walkin faster

“dont date the player date the game” –the rapper the game

gentlemen its the dawn of a new monster trend. we did vampires, we did zombies, now its time for: bigger vampires ~boardroom gasps, amazed

after 9 weeks of wasting half his days watching the stunt double, he finally said it: ‘more like the bored identity’

“i cnat believe this!” he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. “i would expect this from the others but not u” he says to 1 specific bee

everyone ignores the fact that the SS Mutiny is actually named for our last captain, Jerry Mutiny. theyre just soo focused on how we ate him

How come when jesus walks on water every1 worships him but when i waterski in the wavepool they cheer n say im pool king? BECAUSE OF AQUALAW

dont sit idly by while The Man destroys our nations forests. hes only One Man. he could probably use help. his back probably hurts, poor Guy

what if all the grocery stores turn into grossery stores and only sell the gross stuff. what will we eat. will we eat weird fish. #TEDtalks

so cellblock A is games, the drunktank is the dunktank- HEY STOP USING THE DARTS 2 GET YR CUFFS OFF. AM I THE ONLY 1 WHO WANTS A PRISON FAIR