Got a lift with a photographer today, his sat-nav was broken and only worked in Afrikaans, it gave the grey pall of Runcorn an exotic air

Cat is eating a line of ants. They're obediently marching into her mouth and to their own deaths behind the first one. No plan B, ants.

New @FourFourTwo cover by @AnthMoore is ace. Bonus points for Sepp Satan and Brendan's extraordinary mustard blazer.

Got this gift bag from Preston. Earrings and mass beheadings?

Facebook reminds me that it's four years since that day I dredged a pastel portrait of David Seaman from the Thames.

The most despicable magazine ever conceived.

The volleyball Club World Championship final in the cauldron of Zurich's Sportshalle. The teams arrive to the music of... Shakin' Stevens.

How to get your laptop twatted into smithereens - become a volleyball reporter.

Curious Swiss swing.

First shop entered in Switzerland: Swiss roll all over the gaff. Pleasingly, they do just call it "roll".

My dad calls to tell me he had a dream about eating particularly tough pasta, only to awaken chewing on a sponge earplug.

Here's a reminder of 2012's stone cold classic.

Sitting watching the Masters in a visor and golf shirt, like a massive twat, in anticipation of my annual @bubbawatson lookalike photo.

The tunnel pre-Man City Women vs Sunderland Ladies. WSL, Hetton-Le-Hole. Excellent 'Haway the lasses' flags abound.

Interviewing England ladies footballer Jill Scott later. If her teammates haven't nicknamed her 'Heron', they're doing something wrong.

"Penguin" design may need a rethink.

Accidentally locked cats on boat for hours with complete works of Jean Michel Jarre running on Spotify. Visibly distressed on return.

Grimsby Town team leave the pitch wearing fans' long blonde wigs after winning 2-1 at Woking. Curious.

Leeds prosthetic workshop #2