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New York City
Joined February 2015
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first two times visiting my sister, didnt know how to interact with her cat. this time feeling way more connected with the cat and its rhythms of attention. communication from one neurodivergent being to another
been having dream of lying somewhere warm with a slight breeze, for weeks or months or long as required, until my mind starts to calm down, depression fades away. chanelling this image lying down when feeling depressed, imagining it as a loving practice instead of anything else
reimagined pacing around my apartment alone looking for where I misplaced my phone as a meditative ritual then started laughing
have an untested theory that standing desk helps my back pain mostly because I take more frequent mini breaks to run around the room, jump up and down, hang from the loft
imagining becoming relaxed enough that I might be available to fully appreciate an unexpected turn of events that completely conflicts with any previous ideas of what my life was supposed to be like
(Q1 Planning)
image of laptop my friend found in the trash, which we brought back to life, two weeks ago, using parts from the other laptops that were in the trash with it (a good omen)
listening to music, trying to destroy all categories, all past selves, all futures. working on letting the devil into my heart. transmuting anger into playfulness. been getting interested in taking more detailed notes recently. planning to email my grandmother tomorrow.
it feels different to type here than it does to type on sunbeam.city, I think because I don't have utopian dreams for this place, which is sort of a relief, makes it easier to write in some ways. the pressure of utopianism can be its own shadow
after a long time of being logged off here,
I feel like on returning I should have something in particular to say about what happened while I was logged off, to fill in the gap,
but I don't, I give up on all summaries,
I feel different than I did before, but I always do
interesting piece on grief, mourning, platform capitalism, influencers, gofundme, apple advertisements, and invisible labor, in a journal on theology
cursor.pubpub.org/pub/renker…
I remember once seeing a graph of GDP and carbon emissions, that was the first time I learned about degrowth. I can't seem to find a good graph, if anyone knows of one?
the back story for this question is talking about degrowth with my grandmother who is an activist
cc my two main degrowth inspirations @frnsys @cdlariviere if you happen to have something on hand
if ur practicing sobriety here are some tips
hot soup = weed
cold shower = aderal
hot water with lemon = xanax
dancing = mdma
going outside = lsd
chocolate = alcohol
baked potato = ketamine
lived in an apartment without lights for a few weeks and its deepened my suspicion of artificial light
- feel healthier when biorhythms align with the sun
- want to live in a world without light pollution where 7 generations from now people can see the stars
cw: cops, violence
possibly because i was physically assaulted before by a cop, but whenever the u-bahn ticket checkers board the train and ask for tickets it makes me panic and my whole body seizes up. to the degree i’m considering to avoid the u-bahn for my commute
appreciating this essay about how we share energy online and desert data centers
one.compost.digital/sacred-s…
