lady at the grocery store looked at the cereal on the top shelf and then looked at me and im like use your words shorty

oftentimes being a good listener puts you at a disadvantage

just letting you guys know i hate working out and i don’t even do that much lol

because they love a story 📚 of two lonely people 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♂️‍➡️ who can’t be together 😢 until there’s a sequel 🎶 - till the credits roll ben dunnhill

her: you slept w my therapist? 😡 me: babe, you told me to see one 🤷🏼‍♂️

me to me at church: don’t sit behind the lady with the big hair

not naming names, but i’ll be praying extra hard today for a few of you

on second thought, maybe i do need a press secretary

nah, this is how you break the trauma loop

if this ever happens i’ll let you know

…and worst

being needy isn’t a flaw. i have one houseplant that’s needs watering every day