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Sensei⛩

@onume_

listen *drags cigarette* you don’t wanna tweet, kid *exhales* we already did all the jokes.

 Somewhere Else
Joined August 2011
  • Tweets2K
  • Following231
  • Followers3.8K
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Photo by Sensei⛩ (@onume_)
bumped into a guy from school at bar who now works at the president's office & when he asked“what are you upto?” I said“just getting a beer”
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Image from Sensei⛩ (@onume_)
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Sensei⛩@onume_27 Nov 2012
You know that moment when you connect with someone and you feel alive? Avoid it. That's how love starts and i don't recommend it.
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Sensei⛩@onume_13 Nov 2012
Twitter, because i owe people on Facebook money.
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Sensei⛩@onume_27 Nov 2012
Unconditional love exists only when the conditions are met.
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Sensei⛩@onume_1 Jul 2014
Where in our relationship does it say we have to share a plate of fries? I swear to God I'll stab you with a fork.
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Sensei⛩@onume_25 Jul 2014
Whoever stole my shoes while I was on that bouncy castle needs to grow up.
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Sensei⛩@onume_8 Dec 2016
She's not slow at texting, she's probably texting other guys who are more established in life than you. So be patient and wait for your turn
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Sensei⛩@onume_1 Jul 2014
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church.
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Sensei⛩@onume_30 Jun 2014
Is there any record of what people ate before Instagram?
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Sensei⛩@onume_7 Nov 2014
bumped into a guy from school at bar who now works at the president's office & when he asked“what are you upto?” I said“just getting a beer”
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Sensei⛩@onume_1 Mar 2016
If you wake up in the morning & yesterday's pants still have the belt in them, they automatically become today's pants. That's undebatable.
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Sensei⛩@onume_14 Jul 2015
Whenever I see a thin person jogging I feel like hugging, tightly holding him/her and whisper... it's ok, you're not fat. Calm down.. GOD!!!
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Sensei⛩@onume_21 Apr 2015
Guys, you're not allowed to tell a woman who's mad at you to calm down. That's not how they're wired. You're probably opening a can of bees.
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Sensei⛩@onume_6 Aug 2015
I just want to thank everyone from the university, i saw in public this year who silently agreed to pretend we didn't notice one another.
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Sensei⛩@onume_29 Apr 2015
Burglars are probably the only people that take everything personal without taking anything personal. It's just business
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Sensei⛩@onume_1 Oct 2014
"Hey, wanna lie to each other over cups of coffee?" - First dates
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Sensei⛩@onume_17 Apr 2015
It's important to have two opinions in a relationship: Her opinion, and my opinion the one she ignores.
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2024 what a year! If you don't wish me a happy birthday today. I'll take it that we're not the fake internet friends I thought we were.
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Trevor Noah...on how Christianity works: "If you’re Native American and you pray to the wolves, you’re a savage. If you’re African and you pray to your ancestors, you’re a primitive. But when white people pray to a guy who turns water into wine, well, that’s just common sense."
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My 2 cents on street preachers...I personally think a small number of individuals wake up really early in the morning & station themselves at busy intersections & crowded places just to scream & shout threats at people going about their business talmbout how they're going to hell
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