Patrick Pajak

Now-a-days, whenever I hear someone say that they want a white Christmas, it's tough to tell whether they are saying they like snow around the holidays, or if they're just a Republican.

I just saw a guy at a casino get fired from his job, simply for making a bet. I asked him what happened and he said he bet "the over" on a game. I was shocked. I asked what he did and he said he worked at a funeral home. Turns out they take the title of Undertaker quite seriously

I'm at a lake today and can't decide if I should get in a boat and paddle myself around, or just slowly walk around in the water. I now understand why the US is so split on the Row v Wade debate

After a rainy spring, I'm shocked that the Native Americans didn't realize the Pilgrims were going to land at Plymouth Rock. I thought that everyone knew that April showers bring Mayflowers.

I think we can all agree that FingerElbow isn't a socially acceptable thing to name a child, so how did Tony slip through the cracks?

I just discovered some Mediterranean cheese in a small college town outside of Spokane. I think I'll call it Fettuccine.

I want to be a defense attorney who exclusively defends people named Jehovah- just so I could watch the jury get real quiet and pretend not to be there when I say "I'd like to call Jehovah's witness to the stand".

I am terrified by the thought of being alone. The idea that my entire worth is tied to having a home, or a car, or some other personal equity is awful. I can't stand it. Wait, did I say alone? I meant a loan.

Hey @patsajak, with you retiring, I'd like to throw my name in the ring to be the successor. Everyone is being budget conscious these days, so why not help the Wheel of Fortune production out by just swapping the "S" for a "P"? I can look for a friend named "Hanna" ASAP too.

Couldn't have made a better selection! @bairdsly is the glue that holds it all together! Total pro. Spokane is lucky to have him! #AmazingChefToo #BarbecueSeason

I think I'm addicted to eating Thanksgiving leftovers. I've tried to stop, but I just can't quit cold turkey.

How do you call yourself the Country Music Awards, and NOT have a National Anthem category??

Is there a word that is less attractive than "stroganoff"? And when you hear "stroganoff" it's not like the mental picture of stroganoff that pops into your head is a super appetizing one either. Amazing that stroganoff has been successful given the uphill battle it has faced.

Hey @Jerrad307, I was just eating cold baked beans from the fridge, and thought of you. I'm not sure what that means, but I feel like you need to know that.

I was watching a baseball game, and it felt like the batter was destined to fly out to center field, and then sure enough, he did. I guess you could say it was F8

Penn & Teller are an iconic duo, and I hope they live a long time- BUT...if Penn was to die first, it would be hilarious if Teller gave his eulogy by going up to the front of the room and just standing there silently while holding a microphone.

The real U-Dub picks up the victory!

So THAT'S what it takes to get Dewar to smile. Looking good!

Chocolate milk, you say??