if i saw alvin and the chipmunks in real life i’d stuff them in sock and hit them against the wall and counters really hard

Does anyone know when vets started using firing squads? I had to get my dog put down and I wasn’t prepared for that

Even the Walmart website doesn’t take Apple Pay why are they so committed to this

Half of the posts on here now are ai generated iMessage screenshots

Please invite me into your home…I’m a vampire that wants to kill you…but my manners…forbid me from entering…

Sovereign citizen absolutely stuns officer with knowledge of stuff they just made up. Allowed to go home free

Im at the hibachi grill by myself making this family next to me very uncomfortable

They should make clocks for cats. I can’t get through to him that he has one more hour until dinner

I just got probed by a grey alien in the bedding section at target

Public toilet just sent me a picture of my asshole

A camera flash came from this urinal and seconds later I was airdropped a picture of my penis

I refuse to learn what uncle pussy is. I’m ok with missing this one

My plug tried to sell me a strain of weed called Night Terror I haven’t spoken to him since what the hell even is that

I was looking at the books and movies at target once and a guy came over to look at the funko pops and the smell that radiated off of him forced me to leave that entire corner of the store

left a party last night with the cord to the hosts microwave

People that wait outside of restaurants before they open are not people you should trust or associate with

My dog just got raptured

New Yorkers be like here is another screenshot of a random part of New York on Apple Maps

Big fan of when LCD Soundsystem gets a little talking heads with it. Not a huge fan of the part when the songs get scary

Every time I use my phones camera apple has discovered a new annoying way to make it even worse and frustrating to use