Ritz O'Husky

My last minute costume for Halloween tonight: I'm going to go as 11:59PM.

The person who invented the Ferris wheel never met the person who invented the Merry-Go-Round. They traveled in different circles.

I love it when a plane comes together.

If you encounter a bear in the forest and he's missing an ear, do you refer to him as a 'B'?

Things are looking up for this gentleman....and maybe will stay up from now on.

If you often tell people what they should do, maybe you're a bit oughtistic.

Never argue with me on which vowel is most important. 'I' will always win.

You're under arrest, creep. A-haw, haw, haw, haw.

This tickled my brain.

Now with more hops!

Do you think before Blumlein and 1931 our persistently preconceived ideas were experienced as monotypes vs stereotypes?

It was on this day in 1826 that President John Quincy Adams proclaimed the American buffalo the symbol of Western expansion. That's right, today is the Bisontennial.

Don't you hate buying a bag of air and finding it half full of chips?

A friend told me that there is a guy he works with a glass eye named Jim. I replied, “What's the name of his other eye?”

I would not be very good at Family Feud. For example, if the question had to do with 'semi-automatic', most people would blurt out 'gun' or 'rifle.' I would blurt out: 'eighteen wheeler without a stick shift.'

They're saying even one glass of wine a day isn't safe any more. I guess I'll just have to start drinking wine from a paper cup.

Garage sales aren't very successful. If they were, I'd see a lot fewer garages in my neighborhood.

Cardiovascular Monthly is no longer published due to poor circulation.

I said git!