elon musk is like tony stark. only without the charm. or personality. or humor. or looks. or friends. or appeal to women. so instead he’s an incel who joined hydra instead of the avengers. our part of the multiverse sucks.

calvin & hobbes was huck finn for millennials.

i wrote a really good columbus day joke but somebody stole it.

#eagles #philly #philadelphia #philadelphiaeagles #flyeaglesfly

#macklemore #edsheeran #palestine #freepalestine

maybe we shouldn’t teach kids that not only can you make r@pe charges go away but you can still be president too. just a thought.

ella langley is younger than miley cyrus but she looks like she could be miley cyrus’s mom. that’s all i can think when i see her.

“i’ll just sleep on the plane” is always one of the worst plans you can make.

i’d rather run out of gas then stop at a freedom fuel.

as usual, trump jinxes everything he touches. you had a nice run, US soccer fans. this could’ve been the year. maybe next time.

#ice #america #newjersey

i appreciate that all the america 250 graphics and flags and banners i see everywhere have a start date and an end date on them as if to show we’re dead and had a good run. it works.

cmon nickelodeon…let’s reeeally tell the kids about joe mixon.

haven’t seen anything that obviously fixed since ten days ago.

happy circulatory system walking through the kitchen day everyone. #watchmen

no matter what happens next, it’s important we move forward and remember one thing… that jd vance fucked a couch. #neverforget