SofCohen (@sofcohen) profile picture
Joined April 2010
Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)Photo by SofCohen (@sofcohen)
Dear Muslims: My family and I have decided to move from the US to a Muslim country. We haven't picked which one yet—we're still comparing which one offers the best benefits package. All my neighbors want to come too. And my neighbors' neighbors. And all their friends. And their friends' friends. Millions of us will show up with suitcases and a sense of entitlement. As a large Christian community, we'll need a few small changes: Please start building churches immediately. Real churches, with nice loud bells, the kind that can be heard from the town square. We'll also need for everyone to celebrate Christmas, and to close certain streets once a year for our processions. We may want to gather to pray to our Almighty God on your streets, in your parks, or on the lawns of your mosques. We'll be an oppressed minority, so you'll have to be understanding and adapt to our way of life. Every supermarket must stock real pork, ham, chorizo, and bacon. And we're bringing all our dogs, so you'll need dog parks, and you'll have to smile tolerate them we walk them in front of your mosques. We want our women to be able to safely go out alone and wear shorts and tank tops. And when the weather's nice, we men like to go shirtless. We also want to drink alcohol, dance, and place an occasional bet at the horse races. While we're at it, your religious holidays are a bit too much; they could offend the Christian community, so we'd appreciate it if you'd discreetly eliminate them. Thanks. In schools and workplaces, our children and employees must be able to wear large crucifixes, say prayers, eat ham sandwiches in the cafeteria, and learn Christian principles without anyone getting criticized. We also demand chapels or Christian prayer rooms in every building, plus translators, because we have no intention of learning Arabic. If any of this is rejected, please send a list of police station addresses so we can report you for discrimination, Christianophobia, racism, and anything we don't like. One more thing: if my kids protest or burn your flag for any reason, please be understanding. I'll be sure to give them a very serious scolding. Finally, we all want generous benefits, free housing, phones, free food, and pocket money while we "integrate" over the next three generations. Working is optional, obviously. Be patient with us, you'll get used to it. We thank you in advance for your tolerance and compassion. After all, diversity is our strength! Sincerely, A Very Reasonable Christian
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Spot on once again from @DrPhil.
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The land of Israel has been populated by the Jewish people since 2000 BC. Here's the timeline, in case you didn't realize that it is their homeland. 1900 BC: Abraham Father of the Jewish Nation. 1900 BC: Isaac, Abraham's son, rules over Israel. 1850 BC: Jacob, son of Issac, rules over Israel. 1400 BC: Moses leads the people out of Egypt and back to Israel. 1010 BC: King David unites the 12 tribes into one nation. 970 BC: King Solomon, son of David, builds the first temple structure in Jerusalem 930 BC: Israel is divided into two kingdoms, the Kingdom of Israel and the Kingdom of Judah. 722 BC: The Kingdom of Israel is conquered by Assyrians. 605 BC: Kingdom Judah is conquered by the Babylonians. 586 BC: Solomon's Temple is destroyed by the Babylonians. 539 BC: Persians conquered the Babylonians and took control of Israel. 538 BC: The Jews return to Israel from exile. 520 BC: The Temple is rebuilt. 450 BC: Reforms made by Ezra and Nehemiah. 432 BC: The last group of Jews returned from exile. 333 BC: The Greeks conquered the Persian empire. 323 BC: The Egyptian and Syrian empires take over Israel. 167 BC: Hasmoneans recapture Israel, and the Jews are ruled independently. 70 BC: Romans conquered Israel. 20 BC: King Herod builds the "second" temple 70 AD: Romans destroy the temple. After that, the people were captives of the Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, and Crusaders. Through all of these events, the Jewish people continued to live in Israel. There were more or less of them, depending on the centuries, but there was never a time when the Jews didn't live in the land. They stayed, they built their communities, they raised their families. In 1948, the UN established the State of Israel, the nation of Jews. Don't buy the Palestinian lies that they are entitled to the land. It simply is not true. Based on Islamic history even the lands of Mecca and Madina belonged to Jews. History and archeology show the Jewish people whether Isrealites or Jedaens to have always occupied the land we know as Israel. Up til David, it's all myths and fairytales Even David, if existed, was probably a leader of a small nomad sheep shepherd tribe. Still, 1600 years prior to Muhamed. History is indisputable in the face of absolute deniability by the Muslims for anything under the sun except the Quran. Adam, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed were all created mythical legends that never existed in history, and are same gods were created by humans when they didn't know any better. And, since there is no evidence for the existence of any god, there is no reason for any religion.
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First time I’ve laughed (mixed with some tears) in 71 days. Thanks for articulating this @billmaher
All wars end with negotiation, but it's hard to negotiate when the other side's bargaining position is "you all die and disappear."
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Matthew Perry, serás eterno.
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En un mundo que (pensamos) se entiende y soluciona separando entre buenos y malos, hoy nos tenemos que hacer la pregunta ¿De quién es la culpa, Israel o Palestina? Le pido lo lean, comenten y compartan. opinion51.com/adina-chelmins…
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SofCohen retweeted
Replying to @unna_chilanga
Que paren el partido y le den el trofeo. Nos ahorramos 2 horas.
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ESTO!
Ya es una broma. Digo que bueno por Messi pero la neta que chafa ganar así
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En nuestra última visita a Washington hicimos de todo menos preparar la junta que teníamos. #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #AmloElFracasoPresidencial #Casablanca #JoseRamonLopezBeltran145 #Washington LINK AL VIDEO AQUÍ: 👇👇👇👇 youtu.be/V_AgzbFDDTU
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Genio! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😂😂
La próxima vez voy a tener qué comer en un lugar más escondido que el comedor. #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #AmloFracasoPresidencial #ManuelVelasco #JoseRamonLopezBeltran103 LINK AL VIDEO AQUÍ: 👇👇👇👇 youtu.be/jNVS5KeRg34
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If people want to attack immigrants based on the name of the shooter “Salvador Ramos”, then they should add Rafael (Ted) Cruz and Marco Rubio to their bias to be consistent
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Siempre hay alguien que lo hizo primero para merecer el anuncio. Gracias por el tip @sofffiaaa
I'm lighting a virtual candle to commemorate one victim of the Holocaust. Illuminate is a Holocaust remembrance and education initiative. Please join me and #RememberOne illuminatethepast.org/candle…
Sí creen que el ejercicio de la consulta es ridículo, el ejercicio que hicimos con el simulacro de la mudanza estuvo peor. #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #AMLOBurlaMundial #ConsultaDeRevocacion #JoseRamonLopezBeltran46 LINK AL VIDEO AQUÍ: 👇👇👇👇 youtu.be/rrzOEkhZ12M
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Gracias a que el señor no me dejo leer pudimos ver los Oscares. Me dió gusto ver a Derbez, al señor no tanto. #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #AmloFracasoPresidencial #JoseRamonLopezBeltran39 #WillSmith #Oscars #CasaGris LINK AL VIDEO AQUI: 👇👇👇 youtu.be/u-GmpdMpuQI
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Escupí la carcajada!
A marchas forzadas pero logramos inaugurar el Aeropuerto Internacional Felipe Ángeles, bueno, el 30% del aeropuerto #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #AMLOBurlaMundial #CasaGris #AIFARidiculoMundial #JoseRamonLopezBeltran32 LINK AL VIDEO AQUÍ 👇👇👇👇 youtu.be/GoUQnQpQM3w
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Nos agarró el tráfico pero logramos llegar, no quiero ni pensar cómo se va a poner cuando abran. #ViernesDeChamp #FelizViernesATodos #JoseRamonLopezBeltran25 #AMLOBurlaMundial #AIFA #CasaGris #KimberlyClark LINK AL VIDEO AQUÍ: 👇👇👇👇 youtu.be/eUhI0nyVQtM
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PUEDO COMERME UNA SOPA DE LETRAS Y CAGAR UN COMUNICADO MEJOR QUE EL DE GOBIERNO FEDERAL! @lopezobrador_ 💪🏻😡
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