Spod1000

There are two types of people Those that Love #DoctorWho and those that have never seen #DoctorWho – at Nottingham, England

I have 4 new followers from USA, and more last week. See tweepsmap.com/!spod1000

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 14 years, since 21 Feb 2009 (via @twi_age).

My mate's wife told me, yesterday, she is considering leaving him as he is always checking out other women I had to remind her that he is a hotel receptionist

The weather forecaster announced that we will have Motown weather this morning Three degrees, maybe four, tops

Yesterday, I was invited to a joint Chinese New Year / Burns Night party They called it a Chinese Burns party I didn't want to go, but they twisted my arm

I cannot remember what 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals I'M LIVID

Callum known as Cal has been breaking into people's homes near me for months The police can't catch him He is breaking in and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on I just read he was found dead Now washing machines live longer with Cal gone

DID YOU KNOW Nothing in the Oxford English Dictionary begins with 'N' and ends with 'G'

Sad news for fans of Steps Whilst out this morning I found this grave RIP H from Steps

My mate's wife is always getting upset with him In order to limit the number of times this happens she drew up a document entitled 'HOW TO KEEP A WOMAN HAPPY' Here is an extract, page 14 of 32

Remembering #SirJohnHurt (died on this date in 2017, aged 77) who appeared as #TheWarDoctor in #DoctorWho's 50th Anniversary special #TheDayOfTheDoctor Sir John Hurt, CBE is an English actor who's career spans six decades He also appeared in #IClaudius, #Alien and #TheElephantMan

I was so bored, yesterday, I memorised 6 pages of my dictionary I learnt Next to Nothing

The barman says 'I'm sorry sir, we don't serve time travellers here' A time traveller walks into a bar

I was doing a crossword in the pub when my cottish mate arrived I told him I was stuck on one clue 'Trapped on a desert island', eight letters, beginning with an M He said 'It's Marooned' I replied 'Thanks, I'll have a pint of lager'

I have some bad news My very obese parrot passed away yesterday To be honest, after so long, its a huge weight off my shoulders

I was in my local Butchers this morning when the police arrived and arrested one of the other shoppers I asked the man behind the counter what had caused this He told me he had been caught chop lifting

I hate it when people use the same word more than once in a sentence Enough is enough

Can anyone tell me what the knights, in white, sat in?

My mate keeps racing pigeons He has never beaten one yet

Tonight's episode of #TheBiddingRoom had a man, Robin, selling a life size #Dalek for £330 Presenter #NigelHavers kept telling Dalek jokes such as 'What did the Dalek say in the bathroom?' 'EXFOLIATE' bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0…