Ah yes, one of the two enders.

This is just a matter of time, right?

This is true! A lot of thanks to @JNRlitauthor and to our dog. (Dog not pictured. That's not him.)

Honored to be chosen as one of Cosmologists Epochly's "13 Billion under 13 Billion." (Half the slots are empty because getting an estimate of the world population to within a factor of two is pretty impressive for a cosmologist.)

Part of the point of Gandalves is to "rekindle hearts in a world that grows chill," which presumably involves propaganda sometimes.

Hey, I might not have tweeted in 2.1 years but at least that proves I'm not President. Here's my wife in-character as Donald Trump singing about crimes: youtube.com/watch?v=T1R8w4e9…

Technically this is only true if you can find a bobcat qualified for the Senate, but realistically it's probably harder to find one that isn't. xitter.cf/ComfortablySmug/status…

For sale: talking bird. Nevermore.

For some reason, when I say I wrote the book on perjury no one ever believes me.

Remember, "en banc" is the @FakeAPStylebook-approved sound effect for Bugs Bunny hitting a President with a comedically oversized gavel.

God of definite articles steals worshippers from the rest of the pantheon by becoming known as THE God. @badedgecases

"Do they still use the word "graduation" when it's from law school?" "No, try "ascension" or "apotheosis.""

[The intended tweet has been canceled due to a lack of theory of quantum gravity.]

@WAWilsonIV @LeahLibresco Alternate life advice: look at the people with their cute little polynomials and laugh Ackermanniacally.

"There are no truths universally acknowledged." "'There are no truths': universally acknowledged." "There are no truths," Universally ackno

"You shouldn't insult England's official Church just because it believes Jesus was only human," said Tom, an antidisestablishmentarian.

Anti-apocalypse protesters, supporting any candidate other than @smod2016: "For more years!"

"I am that iamb." —some guy with a trochaic name.

Thing of milk - yes. Thing of paper - also yes. Thing of gray goo - zounds, I hope not.