Gross Ray

There is no need to announce your social media hiatus. You can simply disappear into a national park forever.

Preempt annoying people by guessing their age without the traditional aggressive prompt.

My mom's dementia has given her racism-lite and me a crippling fear of accompanying her anywhere in public ever.

Sometimes I get nostalgic, and I revisit this here twitter mausoleum and reread all my own tweets to remind myself how funny I find me, and then I delete it again. So, see you never, I guess.

Internal validation is all well and good but it's terribly tricky to keep the electronic scanner working in such a moist environment.

Dress for the job you want: shrouds flatter all figures.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Perhaps. But for sure, the friend of my friend is my enemy because that's MY friend, ok Carol? Mine.

Dick a bag of eats for a nice change of pace

My husband has a signature knock, which consists of one unrepeated knock. It is the most passive aggressive thing I've ever seen. I am breathless with admiration.

Cure your crippling social media addiction by purchasing an expensive neck pillow that prevents you from wearing your reading glasses while scrolling. (It will do nothing for your crippling neck pain.)