Read my novel DEAD WRITERS IN REHAB : https://xitter.cf/t.co/MPYiVYghqt
Beside the sea
Joined February 2009
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For many of us, having the BBC is a bit like having a face: you may not like everything about it, but you'd miss it if crazed mandrills tore it off in the middle of the night.
The difference between Steve Witkoff and a jellyfish is that a jellyfish couldn't fit into Vladimir Putin's rectum because it's already occupied by Steve Witkoff.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, born on this day in 1772, is still alive and kicking (but not the habit) in my novel, Dead Writers in Rehab, where he's making trouble along with Dorothy Parker, Ernest Hemingway, and other deceased literary substance abusers.
amazon.co.uk/Dead-Writers-Re…
Matt Hancock must be hoping his own protective ring works better than the one he lied about throwing around care homes in the Covid pandemic.
Truly waterproof clothing makes you sweat. In the rain, therefore, you can choose only the source of the moisture. Thus we conclude that the universe wants you to be wet. Thank you for attending my TED talk. Next: the mystery ailment that stops Russell Brand buttoning his shirt.
No, your email doesn’t find me well. I wish it hadn’t found me at all.
No, these times are not unprecedented; they just feel that way because they’ve never happened to you before.
No, I can’t join the Zoom meeting. I’m busy growing my hair that day.
Yes, you stay safe too.
What I lack in common sense, I make for in the benefits I'll receive from replying to publishing insiders who love my books so much that they've written long descriptions of them that could only be a result of reading them closely, rather than using AI to scrape the internet.
There has never been a better time to dress as an adult baby and stand outside your enemy's house all night holding a placard with a big question mark on it.
My new play is on in Brighton, Nov 6th-8th. I’m performing one of the two roles. Running time is 70 minutes, so if you’re coming from London, there’s plenty of time to get back the same evening. Or come and stay at the seaside! Limited tickets, book now!
ticketsource.com/act/2nd-cha…
Sometimes I wish I had the kind of wealth, power, privilege, influence, connections and extensive media platform you need these days to become an enemy of the establishment elite.
It’s raining, it’s Sunday: maybe go to church. It’s cheaper than the movies, the audience is quieter, and the stories are usually better.
We get it, philosophers. On the one hand this, but on the other hand that, and in conclusion, something else.
When you carve a face into a pumpkin you give it life. You bestow the mystery of consciousness. The torment of self-knowledge. The agonising awareness of its own mortality and eventual doom. Existential dread. Horror. Pain. Do not sleep in the same room as that pumpkin. Never.
Are you a delusional blonde woman with a few days to spare in Washington, D.C.? Why not consider becoming White House press secretary? No qualifications or experience are necessary; the only requirements are low intelligence and slavish devotion to a narcissistic sociopath.
The difference between a flying car and an extremely inefficient unmanned light aircraft is four wheels and one egomaniac.
paul bassett davies retweeted
Hi, sorry to call at such short notice but our sketch artist has fallen ill, was wondering if you could step in, it says on your profile that you do sketch work...
Well I normally only draw Giraffes but I guess how hard can it be, sure I'll do it.
Maduro pleads not guilty to new torture-related charges in New York bbc.in/4imkbGG
