Ambrosia Alert

the concept of being overdressed is a myth perpetuated by big slob

I’ll be a boy for you 💕

the mycelium network will outlast us all bro

it’s 69° in new york city today because god loves sluts

why did I smoke weed to go to the hardware store at 10am now I’ll have the BUSHDOCTOR picasso acid trip caucasian rasta anthropomorphic tree dirt mascot imprinted on my brain forever

“ts” stands for one thing and it’s TRANSSEXUAL not that boring white lady

loathe a “demisexual” on the apps, show me the real sluts please

no bra no panties at the coinstar kiosk

when I was 7 my Barbies were fucking raw as their pink Porsche convertible flew off a cliff during a simultaneous tornado and flash flood

if you chew gum with your mouth open I will assume you’re stupid

someone’s smoking dmt now the whole club smells like mothballs

October 9, 1826 wearing my hijab inspired secular accessory to protect my freshly washed auburn tresses on the steam engine locomotive to Philadelphia to visit my hung bisexual lover I met on the cape this summer

if I get murdered asking someone in an enclosed public space to please use headphones or turn their volume down, at least I’ll die standing up for common respect & human decency

going to the doctor and the post office and the bank in one afternoon

does anyone else feel like you’re having a stroke when you try to read messy cursive or is that just a me thing

people never say “what a beautiful day!” when it’s raining but I think the rain can be beautiful too 😌

I was a regular at this Colombian bakery & the lady working lied to the person in front of me that they were sold out of spinach empanadas because she was saving the last one for me 🥲