@zomgmouse

Comedy writer/performer. Film liker. New show: One Must Imagine the Boiling Frog Happy https://xitter.cf/t.co/yjMcjExqJu

 Melbourne, Australia
benvolchok.com
Joined June 2009
  • Tweets40.9K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers947
894Media
the body keeps the ticket sales
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I've solved the free will argument: I have it but clearly no one else does
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sometimes i jolt awake in the dead of night and the name comes blistering into my mind like a bullet from the ends of the earth. the name is "ogg vorbis"
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Once upon a time there was a man who couldn't decide. So he wrote a monologue about it. A brand-new hour of stories, poems and recollections from me, your dad. ONE MUST IMAGINE THE BOILING FROG HAPPY @ADLfringe 20 FEB - 8 MAR adelaidefringe.com.au/fringe…
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america is jealous that people stand up for countries it attacks, which is why it has started attacking america
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there's too many takes on the internet nowadays. haven't you people ever heard of a give?
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algorithms getting entirely the wrong idea about my mental state because i'm looking up a particular alternative music album with the search term "cure wild mood swings"
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people will forgive anything for a public holiday. they should rename the phrase bread and circuses and public holidays
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too many people make fun of harry highpants. but he's just protecting himself. not enough people make fun of the real fool: larry lowpants
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bring back the times when people just made up what an ai said instead of screenshotting joke queries
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I Barely Even Know What I Did Last Summer I Mean Come On
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dreaming up a communist monarchy where everyone sits on the throne at the same time
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they introduced an upwards guillotine between the seats of trains that would slice up every now and again to prevent spreading. 85% of men got the outside of their legs and elbows chopped off. there was a big public outcry and the guillotines were dismantled
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next they would try them on the roads to target cars who stopped past the white lines. but there were too many contingencies and they caused too much collateral damage.
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they tried installing ai cameras to analyse the situations in which cars would stop beyond the white lines and only activate in legitimate cases, but these got confused and started chopping the outside of men's legs off. then the scheme was scrapped entirely. end of an era
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are you sometimes afraid of the people you don't know because that means they don't know you and that means you don't matter
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Ben Volchok retweeted
ACMS@AltComMemSoc4 Sep 2025
#ACMS 📅Monday 8th Sept. 🏰@ThePhoenix_W1 💥an ACMS Board Member PURGE 🎟️£10+ online, from wegottickets.com/event/66964… 😻hosted by @turlygod, with @alwinsol, @bechillcomedian, @zomgmouse, @MattHighton, @weaselspoon AND MORE 🌈free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, DM us yr names
The Phoenix, Oxford Circus Monday 8th September 19:30-22:45ish; doors at 19:00 The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) *the great Board Member PURGE* PROXIES Adam Larter & Matt Highton as Eleanor Morton & And The Baptists Alwin Solanky as Ben Target PROXIES Bec Hill as Will Andrews Joz Norris as John-Luke Roberts, Joz Norris and Siân Docksey Saima Ferdows as Sophie Duker £10+ online; £12 at the gig wegottickets.com noblefailure.org @theacms

ALT The Phoenix, Oxford Circus Monday 8th September 19:30-22:45ish; doors at 19:00 The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) *the great Board Member PURGE* PROXIES Adam Larter & Matt Highton as Eleanor Morton & And The Baptists Alwin Solanky as Ben Target PROXIES Bec Hill as Will Andrews Joz Norris as John-Luke Roberts, Joz Norris and Siân Docksey Saima Ferdows as Sophie Duker £10+ online; £12 at the gig wegottickets.com noblefailure.org @theacms

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Ben Volchok retweeted
ACMS@AltComMemSoc1 Sep 2025
#ACMS 📆 Monday 8th September 🏰 The Phoenix pub 💥 an ACMS Board Member PURGE 🎟️ £10+ online, from wegottickets.com/event/66964… 😻 hosted by @turlygod, with @alwinsol, @bechillcomedian, @matthighton, Tom Mayhem AND MORE 🌈 free guestlist for trans & non-binary folk, DM us your names
The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) *the great Board Member PURGE* The Phoenix, by Oxford Circus Monday 8th September 2025 7:30pm-10:40ish; doors 7pm £10/£14 online; £12 at the gig tickets from wegottickets.com w/ Bec Hill as Will Andrews, Alwin Solanky as Ben Target, and Adam Larter & Matt Highton as Eleanor Morton #ACMS | @theacms

ALT The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) *the great Board Member PURGE* The Phoenix, by Oxford Circus Monday 8th September 2025 7:30pm-10:40ish; doors 7pm £10/£14 online; £12 at the gig tickets from wegottickets.com w/ Bec Hill as Will Andrews, Alwin Solanky as Ben Target, and Adam Larter & Matt Highton as Eleanor Morton #ACMS | @theacms

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fighting individualism starts with me!
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