@CruzKayne

WGA/Peabody winner. 3x Emmy nominee. Mongrel. Come see my show? Link below! love you 😘 🇵🇭 🕎

 A dermatologist's office
linktr.ee/mckayne
Joined December 2010
  • Tweets9.3K
  • Following618
  • Followers9K
681Media
Hi! I wrote about death and grief and my son and family for @audible_com and performed it @AudibleTheater and now it's available for you to listen to on audible.com! adbl.co/sorryforyourloss
michael cruz kayne@CruzKayne19 Nov 2019
this isn't really what twitter is for, but ten years ago today my son died and I basically never talk about it with anyone other than my wife. it's taken me ten years to realize that I want to talk about it all the time. this is about grief
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Reaching tan suit levels of faux outrage on this clip
Aaron Rupar
@atruparOct 24
“He’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory” — Obama
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this is like saying no one hates lasagna more than garfield
Acyn
@AcynOct 21
Vance: There is no person who hates the idea of people enriching themselves fraudulently over access to the government than Donald J. Trump
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TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE DOING COMEDY. WE HAVE TO CALL A MORATORIUM ON NEW COMEDIANS UNTIL SOME PEOPLE QUIT. SORRY ANTONIO WE ARE ALL FULL UP
Front Office Sports
@FOSOct 19
Antonio Brown is making his stand-up debut with a show at the New England Comedy Club. Tickets start at $76. Meet-and-greet is $215. #SecondActs
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ma'am you have been fooled three times
FactPost
@factpostnewsOct 19
3-time Trump voter who lost her job from DOGE: The betrayal is pretty significant. Come time for presidential elections, it's gonna warrant a conversation of what party we vote for. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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Yes better to spend your life vehemently hating many people, like Katie
Katie Miller
@KatieMillerOct 17
It is objectively strange, obsessive and demented to spend four years of your life dedicated to so vehemently hating one person.
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Ally Sammarco
@Ally_SammarcoOct 15
If there’s one photo to sum up the Trump era, this is it.
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in an administration full of comedy, this is right up at the top
Aaron Rupar
@atruparOct 13
Q: You said Zacharia is an attorney. Where did she pass the bar exam? What state? ZACHARIA: When I moved to China
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Amy Solomon@amybethsolOct 5
The ringtones that emerge from a Broadway matinee crowd mid-show do not exist anywhere else on earth
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interesting choice to shoot this video in hell
Acyn
@AcynSep 24
Trump: If I could go off script just for a second—as a special treat in honor of President Xi, I'd like to invite everyone in the room to visit through that beautiful curtain in the back. It's one year away from completion—the new ballroom that you've heard about… So in honor of you, you'll be the first people to step foot on that. This is in honor of President Xi
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"Sure, he's ugly and smells like a locker room, and he eats shoes, and his weiner got bit off by a dog, and he accidentally shot his uncle with a crossbow, and he's addicted to whippets..."
Acyn
@AcynSep 10
Trump on Paxton: He may not dress right. He may not talk exactly perfectly, and he may not be the best looking guy I've ever seen
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In the midst of a hot war against a mortal enemy of the United States, the Secretary of War of the world’s only super power finds time to troll folks at a cadet camp for teenagers in Vernon, British Columbia. To our many friends in the great United States of America: what’s going on?
Pete Hegseth
@PeteHegsethSep 1
🇨🇦 (this is real)
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Dr. Abdul El-Sayed
@AbdulElSayedSep 1
Mike Rogers describes Florida as home for Mike Rogers.
Aaron Rupar
@atruparAug 31
Mike Rogers describes Egypt as "home" for Abdul El-Sayed (El-Sayed was in fact born in Michigan)
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
rob dubbin@robdubbin28 Jul 2019
MY MAN: (comes home) ME: (nervous) how was the store MY MAN: fine ME: oh thank g — MY MAN: ran into jolene ME: oh no MY MAN: she mentioned you left kind of an intense voicemail
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Apple Podcasts
@ApplePodcastsJul 17
Listen to But Also with @CruzKayne and @asherperlman to hear: 🏆 Jeff Hiller’s story of winning an Emmy 🎟️ @JayJurden's hot takes on theatre 🧠 @katienolan on competing on Celebrity Jeopardy! But also, much more. apple.co/ButAlso
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even among the soldiers, no one bombs as much as jd vance
Aaron Rupar
@atruparJul 1
JD Vance attempts to tell a joke at Biden's expense to the troops -- and gets absolutely zero reaction 😬
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Dropout@dropoutJun 18
Dropout Presents: Michael Cruz Kayne's "Sorry For Your Loss" • Outstanding Variety Special
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my mayor muslim my bagel jewish John the Baptist washed feet knicks gon repeat
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I RETRACT THIS I LOVE YOU KNICKS THIS ONE IS FOR CHARLES SMITH
michael cruz kayne@CruzKayneJun 11
My mayor is Muslim My bagels are Jewish I have been a Knicks fan for forty years Kill me
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My mayor is Muslim My bagels are Jewish I have been a Knicks fan for forty years Kill me
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Josh Hart
@joshhart7 Nov 2020
YESSIR!!!! GET TRUMP’S DUMBASS OUT THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!!!
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