Donna Watson

There was a boy named JJ. He was very little when two of his siblings died in a fire. JJ survived but had severe asthma as a result of exposure to inhaling a great deal of smoke. Mom fell out of the picture and grannie raised him and his cousins. In reality, the streets raised JJ. JJ was an explorer and a “frequent flyer” to the counselor and assistant principal’s office. Some of these visits were due to disrupting the class and others were daily stops on his wandering around the building tour. There were times when he would look pre-occupied or deep in thought. When asked about it, he either could not articulate what he was thinking or said he’d rather not speak about it. As difficult as JJ’s behaviors could be in class, there was something very likeable about JJ. He was a salesman, negotiator, and finagler. JJ had great eye contact, a big smile, and an infectious laugh. The day before winter break, JJ was sent to the office for being extremely disrespectful to a substitute teacher. The assistant principal lectured him (probably yelled at him) and told him about how disappointed he was in JJ. The conversation went on to how many people were in JJ’s corner and how maybe JJ was just wasting their time if he wasn’t going to step up and do the right thing. JJ cried for the first time that anyone at school could remember. He promised that he would do better and that he was sorry for letting everyone down. Word spread through the building that the Assistant Principal “stuck it” to JJ. Several staff members stopped by the Assistant Principal’s office to give him a high five and to thank him for being tough on JJ. The assistant principal went home and felt proud of himself for making JJ cry and for teaching him a lesson. He then went on to enjoy winter break with his family, knowing that things would be different and easier with JJ when they returned in January. A few days later on Christmas day, I received a phone call from the head principal. JJ had a severe asthma attack and died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I went to JJ’s funeral. Grannie told stories about JJ as a baby, toddler, and as a child. She smiled and cried as she detailed memories of his mischief and also the many kind and thoughtful acts he did for his little sister. Grannie then talked about how much he liked his school, his friends, and playing kickball. Grannie paused, surveyed the room, and looked me right in the eyes. She said that the person he loved the most and the one who cared most about him was Dr Bryan Pearlman - his assistant principal. I got up and left. I was crying uncontrollably. I would have given anything to have five more minutes with JJ. I would have apologized for my behavior and for making him cry. I would have promised him that I would learn more and do better moving forward. I would have told him about how much I enjoyed spending time with him. I would have told him about how amazing he was! Shame on me. I didn’t know anything about mental health or trauma. I suspended kids and really believed that they would come back with a better attitude and improved behaviors. I kept sending the same students home over and over and really expected a different outcome (this is the definition of insanity). This was particularly ineffective for students dealing with anxiety, depression, or trauma. Take some time to think about your own “JJ”. Think of one new thing you will try that may help the relationship and reduce the negative behaviors. You can also post information about your own “JJ” (anonymously if you like) on the “Maslow Before Bloom” Facebook group. We can brainstorm some ideas with the 19,000 other members who are all committed to help all kids to succeed in school and life: Facebook.com/groups/maslowbe… I think of JJ every day. I miss him so much! Christmas is always the hardest time. I remember that phone call like it was yesterday.