Dating App Doctor, PhD

A friend sent me a couple of great and exhaustive articles from @GirlsChase that summed up well how we old-timers, Millennials, have seen the landscape change (article below). Here are the main points (for the second article, check the quotes): Why Did Men Quit Trying to Learn to Seduce Women? 1) The shift from the Bad Boy to Chad => Historically, men believed they could become more attractive by adopting the behaviours of the archetypal bad boy. => The bad boy was seen as a character you could develop through confidence, rebellion, independence, and social skills. => The emergence of the Chad archetype changed the perception of attractiveness from something acquired to something innate. => Men increasingly believe attractiveness depends on genetics, height, facial structure and muscularity. => This creates a fatalistic attitude: either you are Chad, or you aren't. => Consequently, men stop investing in seduction because they believe their physical limitations make learning it pointless. The transition from behavioural improvement to perceived genetic determinism has destroyed men's belief in their capacity to become attractive. 2) Hookup culture has replaced relationships as the default aspiration => Historically, the average unsuccessful man primarily wanted a girlfriend. => Hookups were considered exceptional rather than the standard outcome. => The rise of Tinder, hookup culture, mainstream sexual liberation and pickup artistry changed men's expectations. => Men increasingly believe women are constantly having casual sex with highly attractive men. => Consequently, being considered boyfriend or husband material is perceived as an insult rather than an achievement. => Men resent having to invest in relationships when they believe other men receive sex without commitment. => However, many of these men have not developed the attractiveness or seduction skills required for casual sex. => They reject relationship opportunities they might otherwise get because they believe they can't access the casual encounters they want. => The result is frustration, resentment and withdrawal from dating. Men's sexual expectations have increased without a corresponding improvement in their ability to fulfil them. 3) The decline of self-help and personal transformation => The self-help industry historically encouraged individuals to believe they could improve their circumstances through learning and effort. => Younger generations have become increasingly sceptical of motivational speakers, gurus and self-improvement promises. => Many men now prefer philosophy, Stoicism or acceptance-oriented thinking. => Rather than attempting to improve their dating outcomes, they rationalise accepting their current circumstances. => The philosophy of being authentic becomes a justification for refusing behavioural change. => Men doubt both the effectiveness of seduction techniques and their own ability to implement them. => As a result, they dismiss even practical advice before testing it. Men have moved from a culture of self-transformation towards one of resignation and acceptance. 4) Dating apps and social media have created tunnel vision => Dating apps prioritise pictures and physical presentation. => Real-world seduction relies more heavily on behaviour, confidence, conversation and social intelligence. => Success in online dating does not necessarily translate into real-world success, or vice versa. => Men increasingly use dating apps to avoid rejection, approach anxiety and uncomfortable social interactions. => Poor results online lead men to believe their chances offline must be even worse. => This reinforces the idea that looks determine everything. => Dating apps become psychological silos that discourage men from developing real-world skills. => Men increasingly attempt to meet women through Instagram DMs. => Social media creates an illusion of unlimited access to attractive women. => However, an unsolicited DM offers little opportunity to demonstrate charisma, confidence, or social competence. => Men receive little feedback about why their messages fail. => They consequently invent explanations based on height, wealth, status and genetics. => They then project these assumptions onto real-world dating. => Men mistake the limitations of digital interaction for universal truths about female attraction. Digital dating environments obscure the importance of behavioural attraction and convince men that seduction skills are irrelevant. 5) Increased awareness of female mating strategies => Historically, men were more likely to accept women's descriptions of themselves as loyal, relationship-oriented and sexually selective. => The internet, Red Pill and manosphere communities exposed men to less flattering interpretations of female mating behaviour. => Men believe women are promiscuous, disloyal, hypergamous and primarily interested in exceptionally attractive men. => Men have overgeneralised these observations. => Many men now assume that most women cheat, have high body counts, regularly sleep with Chads or will eventually divorce them. => The universality of these assumptions points to declining sexual activity and divorce rates. => This pessimistic perception makes relationships appear transactional and unrewarding. => Men consequently question whether women are worth the effort required to attract them. => The perceived return on investing in seduction becomes increasingly unattractive. Greater awareness of potentially exploitative dating dynamics has developed into widespread distrust, reducing men's motivation to pursue women. 6) Declining testosterone and masculine motivation => Male testosterone levels have declined dramatically since the 1970s, b approximately 62% by 2026. => He connects testosterone with libido, ambition, competitiveness, risk-taking and sexual motivation. => Reduced testosterone makes men more passive and less interested in pursuing women. => Lower sexual motivation reduces the willingness to tolerate rejection and the difficulties of learning seduction. => Men consequently lack the internal drive to acquire the necessary skills. Part of men's declining interest in seduction to biological changes that allegedly reduce their sexual motivation. 7) The seduction community has acquired a negative reputation => The original pickup movement promised that virtually any man could learn to attract women. => It sometimes suggested that seduction could become easy and that techniques could work on almost anyone. => These promises created unrealistic expectations. Men who failed to achieve the advertised results became disillusioned. => Critics portrayed pickup artistry as manipulative, sleazy, ineffective, misogynistic or ridiculous. => Some men rejected it because they believed it did not work. => Others rejected it precisely because they believed it worked through manipulation. => Many ordinary men nevertheless benefited from overcoming approach anxiety and improving their social skills. => However, the negative public reputation overshadowed those improvements. => The Red Pill gradually replaced practical seduction instruction with grievances, generalisations and simplified advice. => As experienced teachers disappeared or lost credibility, technical knowledge became harder to transmit. Seduction lost cultural legitimacy as a learnable discipline, while the movement that replaced it increasingly prioritised explanations and grievances over practical competence. 8) The disappearance of successful role models and visible examples => Historically, men could observe naturally charismatic men succeeding with women despite lacking conventional physical attractiveness. => These examples demonstrated that confidence, humour, social intelligence and behavioural skills could compensate for physical limitations. => Genuinely skilled natural seducers are less visible. The decline of pickup communities has reduced opportunities to observe experienced practitioners. => In-field footage has become less common because of platform restrictions, criticism, privacy concerns and reputational risks. => Online content increasingly features superficial pickup attempts or entertainment-focused rejection videos. => Men therefore lack compelling demonstrations that seduction can work. => Without positive examples, they become more convinced that physical appearance determines outcomes. Men no longer see enough evidence of ordinary-looking men succeeding through social skill, so they stop believing such success is possible. 9) Economic decline, social isolation and the disappearance of third places => Economic pressures have increased men's anxiety about their futures. => Stagnating wages, housing unaffordability and rising living costs make dating seem less important. => Some men enter prolonged periods of financial self-improvement or monk mode, postponing relationships until they feel financially secure. => This leaves them socially underdeveloped. => Meanwhile, digital entertainment and screen addiction have reduced face-to-face socialisation. => Traditional third places such as malls, cafés and communal gathering spaces have declined or become less accessible. => Men have fewer opportunities to meet people organically. => Reduced social interaction weakens basic conversational and interpersonal skills. => Poor social competence makes learning seduction considerably harder. => This difficulty discourages men from trying to improve. => Economic stress and social isolation therefore reinforce one another. Men increasingly lack the financial security, social infrastructure and interpersonal foundations necessary to develop seduction skills. The three shifts: Belief: Men no longer believe that becoming attractive is within their control. Motivation: Men question whether pursuing women is worth the effort. Opportunity: They lack the social environments, role models and practical experiences required to learn. Men don't want to seduce women as much, if at all, because they don't want to work more than what others got for less, and they have gradually lost the belief, desire, and social conditions needed to learn.