Certified Wolp moment ➡️ AQF / Howloween

Never thought i’d share this with the internet but life has been really chaotic, rough & dragging me down lately. It’s gotten so hard for me to the point i’ve started giving up on myself, health & even people around me again. I’ve pushed loved ones away, i’ve hurt the ones I cared about most & I ruined a lot of good things. I didn’t expect to make it to the age I am now after my last attempt years ago but here I am and i’m doing worse than before. I hate to admit i’m repeating the roughest most painful mistakes in my life as a young teen now at the early stages of an adult but I am and it sucks. I’ve always figured for the longest now especially ever since graduating hs that I was disappointing my family for my hobbies, interests, being lazy & many other things. But what hurts worse is truly hearing the words ‘ i’m disappointed in you. ‘ for just being myself or because i’m not doing an average adult thing crushes me every time to the point I do dumb shit to cope and make myself feel ‘ at ease ‘ and dissociated from reality. I often wish I had the energy I use to so I can function like a normal person and become productive and the adult I want to truly be with a lot more freedom but my mental & physical health has drained me for the worst and I don’t feel like myself anymore. Often I don’t even feel real. I dissociate, I overthink, I panic, I stress, I cry & I push people away. I’m sharing the one photo I took shortly after having the worst mental breakdown of my life because it’s unfortunately the only photo i’ve taken since that isn’t graphic for the world to see my struggle. ( not sharing here ??? ) Only am I grateful to not be in the same hell hole as I was when I was roughly between 14-16 and struggling with my weight in the most ruining way possible. But I only wish my life would be easier for me to tolerate as someone who has little to no toleration for anything anymore. I’ve tolerated r@pe, SA, abuse from family and ex’s, neglect, body h@rm inflecting violence from family, cheating from ex partners, being drugg3d, nearly dying, being led on, relapsing & many more that I genuinely don’t think I could tolerate again without losing myself and people losing me. I’m sorry for voicing this but I want people to know the real me and what I go through. I’m struggling daily to keep pushing through but thanks to this community and new loved ones around me i’m finding peace & acceptance again. I love u all. - Kieran 🫶🏼🐕