I saw your soul without the skin attached. You have the guts of a coyote pack.
Rochester
Joined August 2009
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When your job is to natter on for four hours a day it’s hard to have anything going on in your life without talking about it. The whole thing is fascinating because these are people who’s entire lives are public, it IS a TV show
Me and some buddies barricaded ourselves in the mall to wait out the zombie apocalypse but it sucks, the only stores that were left were a Marshall’s and a vape shop that sold glow in the dark prints of Tony Soprano
Desperate to hide from the deranged killer in my house I open the closet door but a comical amount of junk spills out including a bowling ball that clunks on my head.
Spent the night emotionally torturing a couple cute Mormon missionary girls lol they were pretty upset but it helped me work out a lot of weird shit about my dead wife.
I'm pretty sure the new girl I'm dating is autistic lol like she's given me a long list of streets in Rochester she refuses to drive on, will only eat at one of two restaurants, and leaves the door open when she pees so she can keep talking to me. Honestly? Its been lit lol
The ghost of the little girl that lived in this house before me keeps showing up and giving me enigmatic clues to solve her murder but she's so moody like how about a smile or something sweetheart you're asking for a favor here
"What was your biggest impact on the internet?"
Almost getting a contempt of court charge for being horny
My cousin’s girlfriend’s friend has a friend that used to date Drake Maye and says he’s almost always sucking a pacifier. Like he only takes it out when cameras are rolling, otherwise? Sucking a pacifier
A white boy listening to Elliott Smith after breaking up with you is a sign of great honor in their culture
Watching that Hansel and Gretel: Witch Busters movie and lol this sucks but I no longer have the will to scroll through the Tubi menu, just let it play whatever I don’t care anymore
Got fired from my job as a vampire hunter because I drank the crew’s stash of holy water. It’s not a big deal lol I just wanted to see if it would get you high
I wish the fact that all women are insane would make them at least a little less attractive but it doesn’t lol God is funny
So I slipped and fell into the bath this morning with a hair dryer and ever since I can read women’s thoughts? Hoped this might help me finally gain a meaningful relationship but apparently my elderly neighbor killed 4 men in the 70s and thinks I “deserve God’s retribution”
The best thing in movies is when someone suddenly out of nowhere just gets shot in the fucking head lol always works
Big Jay Shooke retweeted
ELIZABETH HOLMES: of course it worked. the lights turned on. it was on the cloud
NATHAN FIELDER: ok. but you know what feelings are, right? like you have them?
WEIRD COCAINE HUSBAND: [watching youtube at 2x speed] babe it says here the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
I love the ponytail waterbottle girls that are always behind the coaches in the sidelines. I fall in love with them every time.
