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Chopped Unc Torture

@MMTastee

a baby Billy Joel brain

 Pittsburgh, PA
Joined March 2009
  • Tweets10K
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  • Followers323
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Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)Photo by Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)
Replying to @srchengn
There’s a deleted tweet that went something like “men only want one thing and it’s to get a good cross breeze going”. This is how I live my life.
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First they came for Skill Games, and I said nothing, because I only play the quarter pusher machine.
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Thinking about time he was on the Today Show promoting his book with the stupid title and he’s like “I want to talk to the one who is called Tamron” and I remember thinking there is no reason to be this horny at this hour of the day on television, what is his deal?
philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) profile picturephilip lewis
@Phil_Lewis_Nov 5
LONDON (AP) — London jury convicts Russell Brand of rape and sexual assault.
Image from philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_)
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Announcer had it chalked up as a loss in the 72nd minute #coyp
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I remember this episode because George vows to never eat another piece of baklava if Webster is found safe. That is just an insane promise to make.
RetroNewsNow (@RetroNewsNow) profile pictureRetroNewsNow
@RetroNewsNowNov 5
📺On ‘Webster,’ George and Katherine consider renting a mysterious old Victorian house filled with secret passageways and hidden rooms. When Webster discovers a secret entrance behind a trick wall, he finds himself inside a locked room the owners desperately want kept off-limits (November 1984)
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If it’s dark at 5:30 that means walking to the library after work constitutes nightlife. Go print that vehicle registration card, you animal! You absolute shagger!
Tyler Bindi (@TripleNetTyler) profile pictureTyler Bindi
@TripleNetTylerNov 3
It cannot be overstated how much your quality of life decreases when it gets dark at 5pm instead of 7pm
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Ok, tell me you weren’t like “why is SpongeBob back there?”
Image from Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)
Disclose.tv (@disclosetv) profile pictureDisclose.tv
@disclosetvNov 3
NEW - NASA’s Mars rover, Perseverance, finds that Martian dust is smaller and more dangerous than previously thought, with the ultrafine particles able to stick to spacesuit materials, be carried into living areas, and bypass the human blood-brain barrier.
Image from Disclose.tv (@disclosetv)
Image from Disclose.tv (@disclosetv)
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Look, I’m old enough to remember the Kill Barney movement, so if you think I’m a little protective of Liberty Biberty you’re just gonna have to deal with it.
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After tomorrow I’m never going to have to see the Terrifying Fake AI Josh Shapiro ad.
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Welcome to Blacksburg/Fancy Gap International Airport
Thomas Hughes (@thomashughes_05) profile pictureThomas Hughes
@thomashughes_05Nov 2
#Hokies head coach James Franklin: “I think when you're in places like Blacksburg, Virginia… it becomes more complicated to travel than maybe some other locations because you don't have an international airport within 45 minutes of campus.”
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How is it that I’m just now finding out about the 878 area code?
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Chopped Unc Torture retweeted
Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee) profile picture
Chopped Unc Torture@MMTastee28 Dec 2021
The CDC says you can put the little pepperonis that curl around the edges over your eyelids.
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I heard Tomlin is still talking about cutting off eyelids.
Brooke Pryor (@bepryor) profile pictureBrooke Pryor
@bepryor23 Dec 2025
Tomlin: "I think just largely our guys cut their eyelids off and just didn't blink."
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This is now a “what time is Marshals airing” account. 8:44 ET btw.
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Getting caught up on the latest Pittsburgh sports media beef
Image from Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)
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Happy Halloween!
Image from Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)
Image from Chopped Unc Torture (@MMTastee)
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Neighbors’ granddaughter, who is just beginning to talk, spoke to me for the first time this morning, declaring that she likes candy corn. The kids are all right.
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Guy who has voted in every Allegheny County election since 2002 and was planning to sit this one out until he gets a text from Randall Cunningham.
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The SNL skit with Patrick Stewart selling “sexy cakes” is in the Pantheon of things I wish I hadn’t watched with my parents.
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One thing about me is I love wishing strangers good luck when they’re buying one of the big ass $20 scratchers
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This would make for such a good Couples Costume for my Work Halloween Party.
Heinz History Center (@HistoryCenter) profile pictureHeinz History Center@HistoryCenterOct 29
Look who stopped by the Fort Pitt Museum... 👀💥🩺 We were thrilled to welcome Patrick Ball and Taylor Dearden – you might know them better as Dr. Langdon and Dr. King – from HBO’s “The Pitt” to the Fort yesterday! #ThePitt
Image from Heinz History Center (@HistoryCenter)
Image from Heinz History Center (@HistoryCenter)
Image from Heinz History Center (@HistoryCenter)
Image from Heinz History Center (@HistoryCenter)
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