this is 100 percent real. like, i'm not even kidding. just the product of simple mental flexibility exercises. don't believe me? well, just this once, i'll share my little secret with you at no cost. now, listen closely: 1. fill a small shot glass with vinegar. pour into a 16 ounce cup— this will serve as a mixing bowl. 2. mix with a dash of cinnamon, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, three drops of green food dye. 3. fill the same small shot glass with fish sauce. pour into mixing bowl. 4. stir aggressively. your hand should begin to cramp. by this point, your mixture should be thoroughly emulsified. 5. fill mixing bowl with your favorite discontinued mountain dew flavor, as desired. 6. clasp your hands firmly together, and chant the creative thinker's credo: "i need a gf. i need a gf. i need a gf." perform this five times. 7. quaff the mixing bowl to completion. perform this task once daily, for four weeks. after each event, for 15 minutes, sit on your bed and think about times in the past when you were frustrated— for added potency, visualize these memories in the form of a ken burns documentary— approximately 10 to 15 seconds per memory, with a slow zoom-pan. once your mind begins to tingle, and your veins begin to pop, give it a go! you will be quite thoroughly astounded by your newfound mental powers! just remember: with great power comes great... nah, i'm just messing with you. go nuts! you've earned it, friend. (from ig @ dayfotto)