I believe I can do it all. Birth a handful of babies at home safely, stay at home and keep them close in their infancy, maintain the homemaker workload, avoid medical and surveillance systems responsibly, mother strong and righteous children, give them a robust education at home, be a modest and sanctified wife, keep the passion in our marriage, indulge my hobbies, stick to my principles, have nuance, love my loved ones deeper, keep healthy boundaries, practice my own righteousness, heal from the sins of my youth, and more. Regardless of how messy it appears in the process or impossible it seems to be obtained, and regardless of the thousands of little voices that protest they already tried and it can’t be done, and regardless if no one has yet obtained it, I’m going to spend my entire life trying anyway. It’s not my fault that I grew up in classrooms with posters on every wall that said stuff like “Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” Or that my mom told me I could pray and ask God for help and it worked the very first time I tried. Or that my name translated means “she ascends.” I am programmed with Hopium