The Mandalorian intro, but to the Golden Girls theme.

I just clutched at my chest and had a serious craving for Golden Corral. The 911 operator did not understand the seriousness of it.

The opposite of Gilmore Girls is Nostrilless Boys. I will not be taking any questions.

"Nothing interesting every happens in this place." * a rock lobster scuttles across the ceiling eating a corndog *

"Bob is coming over for dinner." Bob from work or Bob the pervert who works at the gas station? *a roasted hotdog slides in and out of the front door mail slot*

Liquor before beer, in the clear Liquor before crystal meth, hey this church service is a great place to handstand twerk

random fact: its crazy how in europe they call them swedish meatballs but here we call it teabagged.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 3 recap: The avatar's friends get stoned then party hard with capital city Hunger Games-style elites.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 2 recap: A blind girl plays with the avatar's stones under the dinner table while her parents aren't looking.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Season 2 Episode 1 recap: A boy smashes his snake on a rock and then a girl he knows messages it until fully erect again.

Cop: The victim met a violent end. What do u make of it? Rookie Cop: judging by the amount of ketchup on his neck, he was definitely murdered by a vampire hotdog.

The existence of a hand gun implies the existence of a foot gun or even a nipple gun.

I feel like the title "Jack and The Beanstalk" is a really rude way of addressing a guy's anorexic wife when she's clearly already got problems.

[restaurant crime scene] Cop: The victim was unresponsive when I arrived. Detective: coulda been an accident. Cop: coulda been poison. Dune Cop: coulda been The Spices.

He died doing what he loved: trusting a big butt and a smile even after the song warned him not to.

"Nothing interesting ever happens in this town." *a werewolf hotdog jumps on the bed and bites my hand*

for medical purposes i will now be wearing a medical alert bracelet that reads "spicy non-store brand chips only"

My favorite X-men villain is Slurry. He can force any of his opponents to experience the effects of a laxative.