Captain Jean-Luc Dickhard

Calling the cops on myself for getting a boner

Chilling at Autozone and asking all the women waiting for an oil change if they like white boys with ringworm and low hanging nuts

I got penis surgery from Temu and when I woke up my balls were on top

I got fired for losing the office gimp at the dog park

(Trying to make small talk with the stripper halfway through the lap dance) so what happens if you have to poop at work

Working in my laboratory on a pill that will turn growers into showers

Hey man sorry I missed your wedding my pants got caught in an escalator and ripped them clean off my body in the middle of a very busy store and everyone saw my weird fucked up little butt cheeks

I discovered the lost city of Atlantis but I left because they don’t have big titty latinas who do hand stuff to you while you play video games

(To the cum stain on my pants that’s vaguely in the shape of a woman) Sup, you date white guys? ;)

Hey man I don’t think we can hang out anymore you looked real gay walking up to my house on the ring camera

*casts Explode Cock on your cock*

Would you throw it back for a sensitive gangsta with IBS?

Asking the guy at the next urinal to hold hands and say grace before we start

Porn is so cool I wish sex was real

Hey can I come over and make airplane noises before I put it in

(Girl who shaves her pussy everyday anyway) *indignantly* I shaved my pussy for this?!?

(During sex when the other guy cums) wait that happened to me once too