Emmy winning writer. Jokes, quips and japes on the human condition. Sports takes. Food and libations.

Los Angeles
Joined March 2010
If you are turned away at the polls because your name is not on the register, don't walk away. Say this: I REQUEST A PROVISIONAL BALLOT AS REQUIRED BY LAW. Don't let them steal your vote.
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David Weiss retweeted
USMNT legend Tim Howard says 'fans have every right to be frustrated' with Christian Pulisic leaving the national team ahead of the Mexico match to manage his workload and rejoin with AC Milan. "Pulisic is our biggest player, our best player - and this was no normal USMNT camp. It marked the start of Pochettino’s reign and the countdown to the 2026 World Cup. No one can question his commitment to the USMNT and no one can deny that he needs to look after his body. But even if he is not playing, he should still be there - to create the culture and set an example. I have been a senior player and a big personality in the locker room. I demanded a lot of people and what I found? The moments to show your gravitas tend to come off the pitch. There were times when I was injured or on the bench. I had 100-odd caps by then but I would carry the water. Or I’d pick the kits up off the locker room floor, while players making their second or third appearance were in the shower. They were small gestures that carried an important message: when we’re in deep and I’m demanding something of you, it’s nothing I would not do myself. That’s what makes a good leader. That’s when you build trust and culture. Not by leaving camp. But by supporting the team with words and actions. But at some point Pochettino, Pulisic and the USA have to flex their muscles and tell Milan: This is how it’s going to go down. We need Christian - to play or just to be around."
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RT if you are blessed to be a Mets fan! #LFGM
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It's interesting to me that several comedians from my childhood saw the shifting media landscape and decided to bitch about it as their new routine until their career rots. Steve Martin and Martin Short saw the same landscape and weilded it to make Only Murders in the Building.
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David Weiss retweeted
The most insane home run in Citi Field history. Lindor with the grand slam. Place went NUTS. @The7LineArmy @Mets 🎥: @Lizy_T7L
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Sandy Koufax was tipping his pitches. "I knew every pitch he was gonna throw," said Willie Mays, "and still I couldn't hit him."
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Do you stand with the IDF? 🇮🇱
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David Weiss retweeted
Celebrating the the life of #GrouchoMarx "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others" #Groucho born Oct 2nd Oct 1890
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Name a Philadelphia Phillie. The first one that pops in your head. I’ll start:
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Donald Trump is 78 years old and in a state of profound cognitive decline. He should end his campaign immediately. Retweet if you think that Trump is unfit to serve!
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"I must be in the front row!" ~ All-time classic Miller Lite Beer commercial starring "Mr. Baseball" Bob Uecker (1984) #MLB #Summer #Baseball 🍺
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Orson Welles criticised the acclaimed director Elia Kazan, calling him "a traitor" for naming Communist Party members to McCarthy, which led to their blacklisting in Hollywood.
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PLO leader Yasser Arafat announced this week that his wife is pregnant. The happy couple said they really don't care if the child is a boy or girl, just as long as it hates Jews.
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David Weiss retweeted
“I’m an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.” —Raymond Chandler, “I’ll Be Waiting.” Collected in THE SIMPLE ART OF MURDER (1950)
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"Listen, I'm the best baseball announcer in the country. The fans relate to me because I react to games, just like they do. I live & die with my team. I'm ecstatic when they do well, disgusted when they play badly. Most announcers are shills & Pollyannas. They never knock the club that employs them & they always look on the bright side. But fans know enough about baseball to tell when an announcer is sugarcoating & they resent it." Harry Caray
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In an attempt to secure federal funding, a rural Idaho county wants the state Transportation Board to designate some of its roads as "back country byways." To strengthen their case, local officials plan to sexually assault Ned Beatty.
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My eternal thanks to Dr. Arroyo for his help during my episode of Hot Ones. He’s not the best, but you can pay him with lottery tickets.
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Bladtcast .590 - Our 2024 MLB Preview Special xitter.cf/i/broadcasts/1ZkJzjEZX…
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“And nobody wins a goddamn thing, go get your dog castrated, I’ll see you motherfuckers again tomorrow.”
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