Islam/Nupe/Dad/Husband/Lawyer/Arsenal
Lagos, Nigeria
Joined December 2023
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Good morning everyone,
Someone, a colleague, brought something to my attention last night. I sat with it through the night and reflected on it carefully. By this morning, it became clear to me that an apology was necessary. So by this post, I want to offer this apology to anyone I may have offended, whether deliberately or inadvertently, in the heat of conversations, whether political or on any other subject.
This is not an apology offered out of cowardice or pressure. It comes from a simple recognition that none of us is perfect, and that when a person realises his error or when made to realise it, no amount of ego should be too big to stop him from saying sorry.
We must acknowledge that we are human. We get passionate, we argue strongly, and sometimes, in the intensity of the moment, words come out sharper than intended or land in ways we did not fully foresee. To err is human, and to forgive is divine. I have always believed that acknowledging a mistake does not diminish a person; refusing to do so when one knows better does.
For anyone who knows me, I am generally an easy-going person. I do not go looking for trouble or conflict. At the same time, I don’t cowardly run away from one because have zero tolerance for unnecessary stress, baseless trouble, or unprovoked disrespect. That boundary remains.
What this reflection has reminded me, however, is that even while holding that boundary, I must still be careful not to let the heat of any exchange cause avoidable hurt.
If my words or tone in any of those moments caused you offence, I am sorry. I ask for your understanding and forgiveness. I will continue to speak plainly and stand by my convictions, but I will also try to do so with greater care.
Foundational Nupe Lawyer retweeted
Many of us became parents without anyone ever teaching us how to be one. We grew into it through trial and error, carrying forward whatever our own parents modelled (or failed to model), often without understanding the “why” behind the things we do.
I try not to leave my son to figure these things out the same way. At 7, I already explain to him how and why I do certain things as a father and as a husband, and what he should do when he faces similar situations later. He asks questions. I answer them as honestly as I can. Some of it is intentional, some of it is just life happening in front of him.
For instance, when he complained about me travelling again for work, I told him, “I am crawling now so that you can fly later.” He didn’t fully get it then, but the point was still made. I’ve also allowed him to disagree with me, apologised to him when I was wrong, and taken corrections from him, where he is clearly in the right. Those small things have built his confidence and communication.
We talked about contentment; that some people will have more than him, and he will also have more than some people, so he doesn’t grow up measuring his life against other children’s parents’ spending. These and more are valuable things to pass on to the next generation when he comes a parent or father.
These are small, deliberate conversations and actions that many of us never got to have with our parents. They are simply me trying to show him, in real time, what responsible fatherhood and husbandhood look like, instead of hoping he somehow figures it out when he has his own family, like we did.
Parenting is a skill, not pure instinct. Most people are clueless about it because nobody prepared them. If we do not deliberately teach our children how to parent while they are still children, by explaining our choices, modelling responsibility, answering their questions, and showing them both the duties and the boundaries of family life, many of them will enter parenthood the same way most of us did: unprepared, reactive, and repeating avoidable mistakes.
The work of raising the next generation of parents starts now, not when they have children of their own.
Many of us became parents without anyone ever teaching us how to be one. We grew into it through trial and error, carrying forward whatever our own parents modelled (or failed to model), often without understanding the “why” behind the things we do.
I try not to leave my son to figure these things out the same way. At 7, I already explain to him how and why I do certain things as a father and as a husband, and what he should do when he faces similar situations later. He asks questions. I answer them as honestly as I can. Some of it is intentional, some of it is just life happening in front of him.
For instance, when he complained about me travelling again for work, I told him, “I am crawling now so that you can fly later.” He didn’t fully get it then, but the point was still made. I’ve also allowed him to disagree with me, apologised to him when I was wrong, and taken corrections from him, where he is clearly in the right. Those small things have built his confidence and communication.
We talked about contentment; that some people will have more than him, and he will also have more than some people, so he doesn’t grow up measuring his life against other children’s parents’ spending. These and more are valuable things to pass on to the next generation when he comes a parent or father.
These are small, deliberate conversations and actions that many of us never got to have with our parents. They are simply me trying to show him, in real time, what responsible fatherhood and husbandhood look like, instead of hoping he somehow figures it out when he has his own family, like we did.
Parenting is a skill, not pure instinct. Most people are clueless about it because nobody prepared them. If we do not deliberately teach our children how to parent while they are still children, by explaining our choices, modelling responsibility, answering their questions, and showing them both the duties and the boundaries of family life, many of them will enter parenthood the same way most of us did: unprepared, reactive, and repeating avoidable mistakes.
The work of raising the next generation of parents starts now, not when they have children of their own.
If it was her son that’s experiencing that too, it would have been different.
A lady on TikTok talked about how her mum came to visit her and was shocked at the kind of dynamics she had with her husband. Mummy just could not believe that they were living like that, she wouldn’t have dared that in her own marriage.
Now, imagine that was her mother-in-law, it would have been a complete disaster. Mama would have seen it that her son is being maltreated in his home. This is why I don’t completely blame some of our mothers, they can’t comprehend what we have.
You speak about terrorism, and banditry, people will attack you and say you are attacking their region and religion.
You will talk about kidnapping, people will say why do you want to end kidnapping when terrorists and bandits are being freed.
You will talk about fake products and how they are killing people, people will say you are ruining their businesses and attacking their people.
God help us.
Foundational Nupe Lawyer retweeted
This is how some of you go about insulting other tribes and calling them names. When they respond in kind, you start shouting about Igbophobia and claiming victimhood.
Foundational Nupe Lawyer retweeted
Calling someone a bigot does not hold the same weight it use to before.
Its like when women call men ‘Chauvinist’ abi wetin be that name dem dey call men whey we suppose dey fear, or is it Misogeny?
Cuz this one y’all are throwing around the word bigot like I’m suppose to cry?
Person wey score 12,000 votes nationwide in the last election is asking for logistics for 5,000 people to host a party in the villa 😂
Foundational Nupe Lawyer retweeted
Ladies, what makes you lose interest in a man even when you genuinely like him?
One day; we will also talk about how abroad people bill people back home too through loans and supports.
But you also said teaching should be reserved for only first class and second class upper division. I can bet you that most of our really good teachers were probably not the best in their sets. Also, being top graders does not automatically translate to being good teachers. Many first class students can’t teach or pass knowledge to others. Teaching itself is a matter of ability and skills with little or nothing to do with class of degree.
I was interviewing a young lady this morning who graduated with a Second Class Lower degree. She insisted that she was smart.
I then asked her, “If you are smart, why did you graduate with a Second Class Lower?”
She suddenly broke down in tears.
I asked her why she was crying, and she explained that she lost her mother in her first year at university and her father in her second year.
The emotional trauma affected her concentration, and she struggled to complete her education while dealing with the pain of losing both parents.
I will give her a chance to prove herself.
But this experience has left me with a troubling question:
Does our education system make adequate provisions for young people who go through such devastating experiences?
How many brilliant young people have we written off because their grades failed to reflect their true abilities, without ever asking what they went through?