Dark chocolate is just regular chocolate with secrets that you don't want to know about

Everything is mortally subjective now. Like your morals are superior to mine? 🤣🤣🤣

H: I don't get it M: Yeah, that's bc ur a fb person!

I don't really do comedy anymore but your mom was pretty fucking funny last night

Isn't it better to stay out of the way of an asshole, than to be in the way of an asshole? - Mentalpause 3.1?

I love it when they toast my buns

Don't worry, the worst of me is yet to come

If I tell you a mosquito can pull an 18 wheeler you better hook 'em up, bc we're about to become millionaires..

You can assume everything that you want. Only 50% of it is going to be true. The other 50% is you, being a dumbass. Write that down

Everything is a social construct, you immoral moral alassist

I miss 80's music. Your music can go to hell

I'm sorry, but I can't endorse anything that has a typo in it. Fix ur shit

The biggest problem in this world is the news. Boyd will be taking no discussion on this today

Ppl that pay too much attention to other ppl's business should be shot on site. I said what I said

Van Halen or Van Hagar?