Do you have all the answers for parenting? Neither do we. Join parents who fail big and often to share your favorite parenting tweet of the week on Sun 11-6 EST
Joined April 2021
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Parental Misguidance retweeted
My husband: we really need to cut back our spending
My dog: absolutely, right after an emergency visit to the vet
Parental Misguidance retweeted
If you come back from the pumpkin patch disillusioned and full of rage, you’ve done it right.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
What normal people ask a pregnant person: Are you excited? What are you having?
What I ask a pregnant person: Have you had the butt hole spasms yet?
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Hosted my first two playdates this week and both ended in head injuries to a child, so yeah I guess you could say I’m a pro.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Today I had to pick up my 3yo from school because he was "sick". Considering he yeeted my office, then ran around screaming and laughing, Ima call bullshit.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
The sun smells like mint and rainbows.
-my 4yo, the authority on everything.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Me: Why are you being so annoying today?
4yo: Because I love you.
Me: Love me less.
4yo: No!
Parental Misguidance retweeted
To the moms using their spit to clean their kid’s faces and style their kid’s hair in the school drop off line I see you. I am you.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Me: *muttering to the car in front of me* Move bitch!
My 3yo: Mommy why you say bitch?
Parental Misguidance retweeted
4yo: I knowed that already.
7yo: It's KNEW that. Obviously you didn't know it since you can't speak properly!
Parental Misguidance retweeted
I would like to take a moment the thank my 4yo for telling me he loved me and then hated in all in the same sentence. For a moment I was afraid it would be an easy day.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
[bedtime]
No one:
3: [digging in my arm] Mommy, I think there’s something in your bones I have to fix. Like an elephant or an orange or a cow or a star or ice cream or the moon or a cookie…
Parental Misguidance retweeted
4yo: I will make you feel better.
Me: Thank you baby.
4yo: I'm gonna be Mr. Nice Guy for 5 minutes. That should help.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Me: Eat your dinner.
6: But my belly hurts.
Me: Okay then you can go lay down but no treats or snacks later.
6: But I’ll feel better then.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
Following my 4yo's harrowing escape from death via nosebleed, he barely survived going to school today because his shorts touched his booboo. Please pray for him during this difficult time.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
I’m just a pregnant girl standing in front of a clothing store ask it to sell me a maternity shirt that doesn’t say Blessed Mama on it.
Parental Misguidance retweeted
I can't go to school I will bleed to death!
-my 4yo with a nose bleed.