@CooperLawrence

Multiple Gracie Award Winning Radio Host TV chick @sunriseon7 84th @goldenglobes voter Published Author, Irritant

 USA
cooperlawrence.com/
Joined February 2009
  • Tweets28.2K
  • Following10.7K
  • Followers13.1K
5.3KMedia
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough
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Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
If you’re going to patronize me, at least slowly explain what that means.
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Anyone know how to dress for a low of 37 and a high of 84?
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It’s awesome being Gen X. We have no gray areas we are either vegans or meth addicts
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I revealed myself to be Gen X when I said I was “on a diet” rather than saying I was “protein maxxing”
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 20
Not to brag but I was alive when our phones never left the house
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K Squared@thatdentaldudeOct 20
Luke Warm would be a sick name for a meteorologist.
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I’m like if a girl was your ex boyfriend
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 19
Welcome to tonight’s episode of So You Think You Can Sleep.
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If by “working like a dog” you mean napping on the couch for hours until you hear someone open the cheese drawer, then yes, I’ve been working like a dog
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John Bechard
@JohnBechardSep 6
Twitter: Where introverts go to extrovert.
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mariana Z
@mariana057Oct 18
I bought a dog from IKEA…
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mariana Z
@mariana057Oct 17
When guests see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, do you have a cat?" I tell them, "No, it's for company!"
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Boyd's Backyard™
@TheBoydP12 Dec 2020
Captcha later! ~Robots probably
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Boyd's Backyard™
@TheBoydP11 Oct 2014
Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...
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I was a club kid in the 90s. I’ve built up an immunity to germs they haven’t even invented yet
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(Moody 20s) Probably that time of the month (Moody 40s) Probably perimenopause (Moody 50s ) Oh shit, this is just my personality
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Forward March@RunOldManOct 15
My favorite ingredient in trail mix is the Xanax.
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 15
Yes, my husband leaves a lot of mugs upstairs, but if he brought them all down and we cleaned them, then they wouldn't all fit in the cupboard, and it's all part of a very delicately balanced dishes ecosystem
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Whenever my dog is mad at my boyfriend she comes to find me Apparently, I’m the manager
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Dad Jokes
@DadsaysjokesOct 12
Noah's Ark is insane. Catching two of every animal? It took me 3 hours just to get one cat to the vet.
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